+1 "Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me"

[nomoreroom]

So! This wasn't actually what he was expecting, when he opened the kitchen door today. He had an excellent venison burger sitting in the fridge, practically calling his name, but he opened the door to the Hotel kitchen, wouldn't you know it-

A completely alternate dimension. Well isn't that just a fine how do you do?

Now if he were a demon of more basic desires and concrete obvious goals, he'd have shut that door and kept trying it until he got his goddamn burger.

Clearly, though, that wasn't what happened.

Tall, that's what he was, way too tall to not stand out, all limbs and pointed fingers and jagged dagger smile, gleeful as he wandered about the plaza and no doubt scaring the children, if there happened to be any unfortunate enough to be there. Nosy thing too, deer-like ears swiveling this way and that to eavesdrop on any possible conversation in the immediate area.

And when he opened his mouth, the hiss and crackle of an old radio came out with a pop, that voice tinny, gleeful and disquieting.

"Good evenin' folks, fantastic night out, isn't it?

Now, I went about readin' your how to's and what do's and where go's and how so's, but I still got a question for you fine, lovely folks out there.

How many of you beautiful surface citizens came from somewhere a little further south? Don't be shy now, step right up."

Comments

[nomoreroom]

Well, what was more Hellish than a bureaucracy? That popping again, like an old microphone clicking on before the laughter began once more, just as tinny and uncanny as the first.

"Oh I don't doubt it, even without the murder! We're a bit crowded down there, kiddo, bit overfull. We run out room a lot more than you can imagine, it's real easy to get to! Makes me wonder if there's anyone in heaven!

What do you think?" Which was... a disconcerting question, if one was somewhat more morally or religiously inclined, really.

"Personal story, kid. Private information. Now I like you an awful lot, son, you seem like a fine boy, but heck, we've only been talkin' for five minutes. Tell you what though, I'll give you this-"

The hissing kicked up again, that voice steadily turning more distant and artificial,

"Heaven's got some important rules, son. About hobbies and fascinations, what you can and can't toss in a stock pot-" Click.

Back to normal.

"And they're real sticklers too, son. Killjoys! Ain't no heaven I want to be a part of, can't even have a little fun."

[masteroffear]

That's fair enough. It isn't as if Jonathan would share his past to anyone who asked. But what little he did hear is interesting enough. Honestly, heaven wouldn't appeal to him at all. He's not one for talking good and evil, but living according to his own pleasures and doing as he pleases are appealing enough for him.

He wouldn't put it so crudely, but he likes being one of the bad guys. It's pretty liberating, to be honest. It was hard to believe he used to be a college professor, and he's a completely different person since he let his id loose.

In response to the stranger's description of heaven, he smiles. "Figure I wouldn't fit in very well, either. I'm not a big fan of rules. Or killjoys."

His idea of "fun" is unconventional - he spreads terror for his own entertainment as well as revenge, and he likes seeing his enemies squirm - but he gets the sense that the stranger would understand. "The name's Jonathan Crane. Pleasure to meet you."

[nomoreroom]

"And heaven's full of those! No sir, not a place for imaginative, energetic, intelligent, enterprising young gentlemen with passion and a love of independence. No place freer than Hell, son. I highly recommend it." You know.

Because it doesn't bother him one iota if some random human gets steam rolled by an Exterminator. Might be interesting to see what would happen when he ended up down there, why not?

Introductions though! One hand immediately jabs out for an enthusiastic handshake, sharp red tipped claws looking like a razor's edge.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mister Crane! Alastor's the name, radio's my game. I can't tell you how happy I am to be topside again though, like I said, sure is crowded down there, someone really ought to do something about that population, right?

Looks like it's a bit clearer up here though! Look at all this elbow room."

[masteroffear]

Crane accepts the handshake with no yesitation. Hey, if he's going to hell anyway, no harm in knowing the right people. "Well, I figure I'm going there anyway, so why not earn my place?" He gives a knowing grin to Alastor. "Radio, huh? I used to be a college professor. Taught psychology. Nowadays I put what I learned there to, ah, different use."

Alastor's description of hell is appealing, but Jonathan's first encounter with demons taught him to be careful with them. Still, Alastor seems friendly enough by demon standards.

It isn't as if his soul is probably worth that much anyway.

"There's people here from all over the multiverse. The Nexus is a big place. You and I, we'll fit right in." Jonathan's taken a bit of a liking to the place. It's a nice place to visit when he's off the clock, so to speak. Or to dodge costumed vigilantes and the police.

[nomoreroom]

His whole arm is gonna be taken for a ride for a short moment. As lanky as Alastor is, that's an unsettling amount of power in his grip.

"I see! A little on the unconventional side, are we? I like that, Crane, I like that a lot. Always been a huge fan of imagination." He did finally let go of the human's hand, at least, before he started to circle, half to further inspect the plaza some more, and half to get a good look at who he was talking to.

"The multiverse? Now I'm not a man of science, Professor, bear with me here. My talents are show business, sir, entertainment, with only the occasional foray into the culinary world, think you can explain this whole multiverse thing to me?"

[masteroffear]

"Well, it isn't really my field - as I said, I'm a psychologist - but I'll try. There are multiple universes besides the ones you and I are from. Usually peope just stay in their homeworlds and that's that, but occasionally people find their way between worlds. That's the Nexus. Some people can come and go while others are stuck, mostly the ones who got here by getting killed."

Crane's glad he isn't one of those ones. He visits and leaves when he pleases.

"I'm one of the ones who can come and go whenever I like. I very much like it here. You know, change of scenery, nice landscape, easy to find my way around. Interesting people to talk to."

[nomoreroom]

"Now that's quite a story, Professor, quite a story. That's some genuine Max Planck science right there, guess I oughtta scrounge up a scientist for the next time I show up here.

Gotta be a few in hell, right?" Aaah, awful implications.

"Fantastic people to talk to, you're an excellent conversationalist, Crane, couldn't have asked for better company. But hey, if you and I can come and go, that means you and I got doors! There any rules about walkin' into doors that ain't yours, professor?"

[masteroffear]

"I imagine there's no shortage of mad scientists in Hell - you've got your share of Moreaus and Frankensteins. And worse, seeing as it's hell and all." Jonathan gives the demon a sardonic smile. "Must imagine there's some interesting research to do down there."

He thinks over Alastor's question, and wishes he knew more about the multiverse. He's aware that people from other universes have visited his own world, some more pleasant than others.

"I'm new here, so I'm not really too helpful on the rules. I'd hate to give you some faulty information. Don't quote me on anything, I'm not a universe-hopper myself. If you're thinking of visiting my world, though, I'll warn you you'll have competition. Nekron, Trigon, Etrigan..." Crane's well aware that his universe has its share of demons.

[nomoreroom]

"Sir. Pentious is a pretty interestin' fellow, I'll tell you that, Crane. Brilliant inventor! Among other things."

There's already ideas whirling around in his head, glancing here and there to try and get a look to see if he could spot any other doors in the area.

"Ha ha ha, they get their names by smackin' a typewriter? Sounds almost like an anagram, don't they? Don't worry, professor, I don't plan on starting any trouble over there! Just wanna explore a little! Been in Hell eighty five years, I got a lot of checkin' up to do."