+1 "Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me"

[nomoreroom]

So! This wasn't actually what he was expecting, when he opened the kitchen door today. He had an excellent venison burger sitting in the fridge, practically calling his name, but he opened the door to the Hotel kitchen, wouldn't you know it-

A completely alternate dimension. Well isn't that just a fine how do you do?

Now if he were a demon of more basic desires and concrete obvious goals, he'd have shut that door and kept trying it until he got his goddamn burger.

Clearly, though, that wasn't what happened.

Tall, that's what he was, way too tall to not stand out, all limbs and pointed fingers and jagged dagger smile, gleeful as he wandered about the plaza and no doubt scaring the children, if there happened to be any unfortunate enough to be there. Nosy thing too, deer-like ears swiveling this way and that to eavesdrop on any possible conversation in the immediate area.

And when he opened his mouth, the hiss and crackle of an old radio came out with a pop, that voice tinny, gleeful and disquieting.

"Good evenin' folks, fantastic night out, isn't it?

Now, I went about readin' your how to's and what do's and where go's and how so's, but I still got a question for you fine, lovely folks out there.

How many of you beautiful surface citizens came from somewhere a little further south? Don't be shy now, step right up."

Comments

[nomoreroom]

"Wasn't too forthcoming with all the details, Kinner. Seemed kind of embarrassed about it, real shame. Kept sayin' how he didn't need all this gettin' out, you see.

Truth be told, the fine folks in Hell find out about you no matter how hard you try and keep a secret, Kinner. I didn't have to tell anyone his name at all! Knew who he was before I could get through the first part of the story, real obvious guy!"

[outpostcook]

Not too surprising. There are probably all kinds of stories people wouldn't necessarily want getting out in Hell. And braining a friend to eat them out of starvation isn't the kind of thing anyone would be proud of.

"Wonder what they'll think of my story, then." Kinner manages a twisted smile. "As you put it, not everybody gets eaten by an alien. Especially not an alien that's probably walkin' around in Antarctica pretendin' it's me and havin' my friends for the main course." Kinner's a little resentful of his campmates, sure, but that doesn't mean he wants all of them to be eaten. Even Blair. Although if any of them did deserve it, it would be Blair. "Wonder why it chose me. Luck of the draw?"

[nomoreroom]

"Access to the kitchen and a brain full of recipes maybe! Heck, if my favorite food was humans and I hadn't had a meal in a couple thousand years, I'd wanna try out some new recipes too!"

HOW GRUESOME.

"Gotta be boring eating everything rare all the time!"

[outpostcook]

"Well, if there's one thing I like about this place, it's the recipes. I've had the chance to try all kinds of new things. Even better, starvin' is a thing of the past." Kinner's used his time here to gather up ingredients, learn more recipes, and visit other restaurants to size up the competition. Needless to say, the cook's been better fed in the Nexus than he ever was in Antarctica.

Kinner is trying to look for the bright side in everything, especially since he's not going anywhere.

"I'm going to be setting up a food stand in the Plaza, if you ever feel like a little somethin'." Demons from Hell are still potential customers, and Kinner figures he ought to advertise. "If you ever wanna check out what I have to offer for yourself."

[nomoreroom]

"Depends, you know how to prepare a decent venison steak, Kinner? I'd kill a man for a good one, I'll tell you."

[outpostcook]

Kinner nods. "Yeah, I can handle meat. Venison steaks included." Kinner can fix up most anything meat-based, though he mostly serves seafood. He'll be willing to make an exception here, however - he knows better than to say no to a demon from Hell.