+1 "Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me"

[nomoreroom]

So! This wasn't actually what he was expecting, when he opened the kitchen door today. He had an excellent venison burger sitting in the fridge, practically calling his name, but he opened the door to the Hotel kitchen, wouldn't you know it-

A completely alternate dimension. Well isn't that just a fine how do you do?

Now if he were a demon of more basic desires and concrete obvious goals, he'd have shut that door and kept trying it until he got his goddamn burger.

Clearly, though, that wasn't what happened.

Tall, that's what he was, way too tall to not stand out, all limbs and pointed fingers and jagged dagger smile, gleeful as he wandered about the plaza and no doubt scaring the children, if there happened to be any unfortunate enough to be there. Nosy thing too, deer-like ears swiveling this way and that to eavesdrop on any possible conversation in the immediate area.

And when he opened his mouth, the hiss and crackle of an old radio came out with a pop, that voice tinny, gleeful and disquieting.

"Good evenin' folks, fantastic night out, isn't it?

Now, I went about readin' your how to's and what do's and where go's and how so's, but I still got a question for you fine, lovely folks out there.

How many of you beautiful surface citizens came from somewhere a little further south? Don't be shy now, step right up."

Comments

[alittlehinky]

"They were?" Cricket looks up at him, puffing up a little with outrage, not at Alastor but at the ironic unfairness of it all. "Well, goddammit, they could've done it three years sooner and I wouldn't have died, probably."

"I mean, not the way I did, anyway. Guess everyone's gotta die somehow."

Ahh, yes! Cricket's good at getting 'relatable' and 'friendly' confused. They are two very different things. He's young yet; if nothing else terrible happens to him, he'll figure it out sooner or later.

Cricket glances around them silently as the hostess leads them to a booth. She looks slightly nervous about the very tall and unsettling figure Cricket has brought with him, but goes through her duties politely. Once they're alone with menus, Cricket follows the demon's gaze to one of the pigs painted on the wall. "You know, I reckon a pig would eat another pig if it was hungry enough."

[nomoreroom]

"Heck, if you hadn't have died by cop, you might have just blown yourself up! Moonshine's a dangerous game, son!" Said without a hint of actual concern, of course. It all sounded like one big hilarious joke to Alastor. But then, they were both already dead, maybe this one had less to do with being a terrible person, and just being generally blasé about life in general.

Who knew!

Mercifully for the hostess, she wouldn't have to worry too much about Alastor, outside of him just being generally creepy to stand next to. He didn't seem terrifically concerned about her. Perhaps the completely normal, jovial way he went about asking for a drink with that radio voice and razor smile made the act of doing so all the creepier, but she'd be free to leave without another comment from him as he perused his menu.

"Pigs will eat anything, Cricket!" A flip of the page, Alastor looking away for a moment to admire the decor again.

"Long as it can't fight back too much! Real useful to have around. They sell peach cake here?" Hamburgers were, of course, still on the menu, but he still wanted dessert!

[alittlehinky]

"Yeah, that's true," he admits. "My second cousin lost a few fingers that way. Wasn't watching the pressure. Lucky thing the explosion wasn't worse."

Cricket, too, seems oddly blasé about that particular danger. Honestly, most any legal job he could have gotten in his time would have been nearly as dangerous. He worked the stills back home, helped run liquor across county lines, and had a gangster's gun pointed at his head more than once, but none of that's what killed him.

"I know that, sir," he says, flipping to the back of the menu where the 'value' section is. He's not all that hungry anyway, and since he offered to treat Alastor he suspects his credit account is about to take a hit. "One of my first jobs, I got bit in the leg by a sow. They're mean sons-of-bitches when they wanna be."

He's lucky it wasn't a bad bite. His leg braces may have saved him there.

"Never seen it on the menu, but they have peach cobbler? And there's a lot of chocolate stuff."