I've seen your flag on the marble arch

[tryingitall]

Balthazar, when seen around the Nexus, is usually obnoxiously upbeat and cheerful. Downright perky, even. He's a gregarious angel, a little mouthy, but quick to joke and slow to judge. His reward for being peculiar by his kind's standards has been spectacular: the love of his life, a built-in family, and a number of like-minded friends, some angelic and some not. If he just stayed in the Nexus and ignored his own world forever, he'd easily be content with what he has.

The multiverse isn't that simple, though. He's still in contact with his home and at least one of his brothers, and there's still a war going on there. As much as he wishes he could stay on the sidelines of it completely, he knows, rationally, that that isn't a possibility. Not forever.

Right now, he's seated at a cafe table with the dregs of a bottle of Glenmorangie, which he is classlessly swigging straight out of the bottle. There's a bag from a pet store beside him, but in his lap there's a notebook, and he's scribbling in it, with a fine sepia pen. No one save another angel is likely to be able to read his notes; they're in Enochian.

"I have too many questions to ask, I think," he says, adding a flourish to one of the sigils on his page. "What would you do if your family was divided, violently, and at war? How can you reassure a brother with the weight of the world on his shoulders? Why does history repeat itself?"

He takes another gulp of Scotch. "At what point does remaining a neutral party in a war become just...irresponsibly letting shit happen to the innocent?"

"There are dozens of people I could ask for help, but what exactly would I ask them to help me with?" Pause. "Well, that one's rhetorical, I suppose."

"Would someone like to bring me another bottle of liquor? This one's almost out."

Comments

[sohoangel]

The last time Aziraphale ran into Balthazar, the older angel was not being himself. Literally. This time around is very obviously on the metaphorical side. It's concerning. Aziraphale miracles up another bottle of scotch and a glass. He pours himself a glass, then offers Balthazar the bottle while he takes a seat at the table.

"Hello, dear. More trouble on your world?"

[tryingitall]

"Aziraphale..." there is an unmistakable thank-goodness-you're-here tone in his voice. He smiles at him, and if the dark mood remains evident in his eyes, at least the presence of a friend is clearly some kind of comfort.

"Yes, I..." He takes the bottle gratefully, setting the empty at his own feet. "I spoke to Raphael. I mean, I didn't seek him out. He came to me, and it's left me...unsettled. For a number of reasons."

"And I'm not quite prepared to discuss the whole business with Lucifer just yet. I mean, I need to sort it out in my own head first."

[sohoangel]

Balthazar is probably the only celestial angel who has ever said his name in such a tone. It makes him smile, briefly, before his expression sobers as he takes in the other angel's situation. In some ways, Balthazar's Heaven is even more foreign than Lucifer's. There's only been one war in Heaven, and that was a long, long time ago for Aziraphale.

"Well, I know he'd do absolutely anything for you, so it's probably good that you're waiting. It sounds messy, whatever Raphael said to you."

[tryingitall]

"Exactly," he smiles weakly and takes a long drink from the bottle Aziraphale's handed him. "If I asked him, I'm sure he'd be willing to walk right into my world and sort it out. But that's not at all fair to ask of him when he's still got his own kingdom's fight on his hands."

That, and Balthazar has become a de facto second king in Chaos. It would be irresponsible of him to expect any of Lucifer's folk, let alone their leader, to fight a war on two different fronts. He has a duty to them, as well, and if he doesn't have the strength or know-how to help them, he can at least protect them from his own problems.

"Raphael made me an offer. Complete forgiveness, total amnesty, for myself and any of Castiel's side who willingly put down arms and either return to Raphael's forces or simply cease to fight and return to other celestial roles. It's wildly generous. The kind of thing that Heaven simply does not do, and that's what's got me tied in knots. Obviously I can't say yes, because I know Castiel won't, and because it would mean standing aside and letting Raphael move forward with the Apocalypse."

"The thing is, Raphael is my brother, too. And he's probably the archangel I've had the most contact with, even if he plays things closer to the chest than the others. I can see the strain in him, and I...it hurts. I can see it in Cassi, too. They're both about to hit their breaking point."

There's a thunk as he sets the bottle down on the table. "It's not right. It's the same bullshit my world's Lucifer and Michael did to one another. Two idiot brothers who won't back down, ripping the rest of the family apart at the seams. I believe in Castiel; I truly do, but this...this can't be right, can it? Just standing back and letting them break each other?"

[sohoangel]

"Completely understandable. Just... don't wait too long, dear. He'll know that something's on your mind."

Aziraphale takes a sip from his beveled glass while Balthazar elaborates, his eyes bright with concern. He never worked with the Raphael on his world, but having answered to other archangels over the years, he has a good sense of what is typical behavior for them. Generosity to one's enemies is not one of them.

"He sounds desperate," he remarks softly. "Has he explained why he's so determined to start the Apocalypse? It was already thwarted once, wasn't it? Gabriel and Beelzebub took that to mean that God didn't want it, after all... they weren't happy about it, mind you, but they ultimately accepted it."

As for Balthazar's conflicted feelings, Aziraphale gives him a sympathetic look. "Sometimes it's not so much about what's right as about what you can actually do to help. Neither Crowley or I had the power to stop the Apocalypse outright, which is why we helped raise the anti-christ... or thought we were, anyway. Can you help in a similar way? Ease Castiel's burden somehow?"

[tryingitall]

"Oh, Lucifer probably already knows that," he sighs. "I'm going to have a talk with him as soon as I take the edge off, here. He's been a little too quiet lately, himself, actually, and that has me worried. Might just be Chaos politics, but we may be due for an air-clearing session on two fronts."

"I'm not sure I can entirely fathom Raphael's mental and emotional state," he says cautiously. "A regular angel like me, compared with an archangel, is like...a hummingbird compared with a hurricane. But he's definitely desperate."

"There are four archangels on my world. Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, Gabriel. Gabe is dead, and Michael and Lucifer are locked up in the Cage, in Hell. That makes Raphael the only one left, so of course he feels that everything, literally the fate of the world, is on him. And he wasn't built for that. Michael's the leader, Luci and Gabe were the challengers and gadflies. Raphael was always the enforcer for Michael when he needed him, or the healer and teacher when he didn't. Honestly as terrifying as he is, I don't think he has the temperament for war any more than I do."

"He says God is dead, and he's not been reading existential philosophy so I think he does mean it literally. He's got no way of knowing that, but I believe...it's what he wants to believe. Because the alternative, to him, is that either God or Michael lied to him and effectively betrayed all of us, and there's no one but him to clean up the mess."

"...maybe that's why he came to me, now that I think of it. Castiel's followers are convinced our Father appointed him to lead us somehow. I'm not. I think Castiel appointed Castiel, but he has the right idea."

"Raphael wants the Apocalypse because he's exhausted and wants an end to it, for all of us, angels and humans alike. Maybe being the healer means he's seen too much pain for too long. I don't know. He's not like your archangels, Aziraphale. He's not looking for a glorious battle to prove something, he just wants to get it over so we can have peace and quiet, and oblivion is enough of a promise for him. You know, I think a suicidal archangel is actually more frightening than a bloodthirsty one."

[sohoangel]

"He told me that a few celestial angels are switching sides," Aziraphale notes. "His mind must be on something related to that." The angel has no intention of derailing the conversation, so he tries his best to clamp down on his enthusiasm, although he can't keep from wiggling a bit in place. New angel friends, possibly? It'd be one nice silver lining in Lucifer's situation, at any rate.

Aziraphale listens closely as Balthazar explains Raphael's motivations, but then the other angel throws him a curveball that he can't quite recover from. "...he believes God is dead?" Aziraphale tilts his head like a confused puppy. "But that's... that's not possible, surely..."

After that, he's quiet for a long time, nursing his scotch and trying to make sense of what Balthazar has told him. "No, he's... you're right. He's not like my archangels." On the ethereal plane, he shakes out his wings a little, as if trying to rouse himself. "But even if he's in pain, he can't take everyone else with him like that. It isn't fair at all." He frowns a little, thinking back to Michael and Lucifer stuck in a cage together. "What's going on in Hell during all this? Are they looking for a fight? Who's in charge down there with Lucifer locked up?"

[tryingitall]

Balthazar, too, is excited about the prospect of new angel friends. He barely makes a distinction between celestial and chaotic angels, but at times like this, where he's struggling with his own world and his own instincts, he really needs a regular angel as a sounding board, not so much an iconoclast. Maybe it would be easier with others around aside from him and Aziraphale.

"I don't know what's possible," Balthazar says with a shake of his head. "I mean, Lucifer certainly thinks it is for his world or he wouldn't be anticipating a fight to the death with Him. Your world and mine are different, but I truly don't know. Maybe He got fed up and left us. Or maybe part of His plan all along was for us to go insane with confusion and kill ourselves off. The real point is that Raphael is as broken as I've ever seen any angel, and I don't know what to do with that."

He grimaces at the question about Hell. "Well, you're not going to like this one, but it's Crowley. I'm not sure how he seized power so fast, except that the Princes and Knights are all either dead or AWOL. He's just a Crossroads demon, but he's very clever. Very pragmatic, very creative. And no, I shouldn't think he's looking for a showdown with an archangel."

"Last I heard he was hunting down vampires, and I'm not sure what to make of that."

[sohoangel]

Aziraphale squirms a little at the mention of Lucifer's God, but he can't really argue with that. "I can't accept that as a possibility on my world," he admits quietly, "But... well, it's a moot point if God isn't responding regardless. I'm surprised Raphael hasn't fallen, in all honesty. Although believing God is dead might be different from believing that God doesn't care at all..."

It's a heavy subject for an angel, which is why what Balthazar says next is almost a relief. Aziraphale's eyebrows go up sharply, then lower themselves into a flat line as he sighs in resignation. "Of course," he says. "I should have known the moment you brought him up the first time." It may be Crowley-with-an-ow instead of Crowley-with-an-oh, but it still seems oddly fitting. Not that his Crowley would try to take over Hell. Or hunt vampires. (Unless it's to find Toby wherever he's lurking in the shop and kick him out so that he and Aziraphale can have a proper date night.)

After another fortifying sip of scotch, Aziraphale sets the glass down on the table and leans forward earnestly. "Where I'm from, you can't have Armageddon without both Heaven and Hell on board. So if Hell isn't involved, how exactly is Raphael planning to end things? Would he release Lucifer and Michael? Something else?" He blinks as another thought comes to him. "Oh, what about his vessel? Did I tell you that I foolishly tried to shoot the anti-christ when I thought we were out of options, but Marjorie, whose body I was possessing, wouldn't let me? That dear woman saved me from a dreadful mistake. Do you think Raphael's vessel might be swayed in a similar way?"