I've seen your flag on the marble arch

[tryingitall]

Balthazar, when seen around the Nexus, is usually obnoxiously upbeat and cheerful. Downright perky, even. He's a gregarious angel, a little mouthy, but quick to joke and slow to judge. His reward for being peculiar by his kind's standards has been spectacular: the love of his life, a built-in family, and a number of like-minded friends, some angelic and some not. If he just stayed in the Nexus and ignored his own world forever, he'd easily be content with what he has.

The multiverse isn't that simple, though. He's still in contact with his home and at least one of his brothers, and there's still a war going on there. As much as he wishes he could stay on the sidelines of it completely, he knows, rationally, that that isn't a possibility. Not forever.

Right now, he's seated at a cafe table with the dregs of a bottle of Glenmorangie, which he is classlessly swigging straight out of the bottle. There's a bag from a pet store beside him, but in his lap there's a notebook, and he's scribbling in it, with a fine sepia pen. No one save another angel is likely to be able to read his notes; they're in Enochian.

"I have too many questions to ask, I think," he says, adding a flourish to one of the sigils on his page. "What would you do if your family was divided, violently, and at war? How can you reassure a brother with the weight of the world on his shoulders? Why does history repeat itself?"

He takes another gulp of Scotch. "At what point does remaining a neutral party in a war become just...irresponsibly letting shit happen to the innocent?"

"There are dozens of people I could ask for help, but what exactly would I ask them to help me with?" Pause. "Well, that one's rhetorical, I suppose."

"Would someone like to bring me another bottle of liquor? This one's almost out."

Comments

[tryingitall]

"There's less distinction between Aziraphale's type and Lucifer's type of angel than you might think. Virtue versus vice, Grace versus fire...they're flip sides of the same coin, I think. Of course, Lucifer's lot are far older than Aziraphale, or Crowley, or myself, and eons of experience make a difference, but in essence, we're all angels."

"You know, the funny thing about the Fallen is they have so much less Doubt than the other angels I know. And you'd think it would be the other way around. We were always taught Doubt is what corrupts, and to follow without questioning. But they seem very certain of what they have to do, for their own survival."

"...except for Moloch, perhaps. He knows what he is, but he...also knows there is nothing he can do to change that." He looks uncertain even as he says those words. Should he be asking advice from Moloch here? That sounds extraordinarily dangerous.

He takes a slow sip from the bottle. "Sorry, I'm rambling now. I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough."

[chiaro_oscuro]

"Doubt's something I deal with every day. I worry about my self-control, slipping back into old ways, and I'm afraid of hurting people. I don't think I could ever be a leader again. Some ways, being sure of yourself can be even worse, because then you'll never admit you're wrong or consider change. Doubt's natural and healthy. There's a balance."

Ben raises an eyebrow when the dark angel's name comes up. "Moloch. I've only heard of him and caught a few glimpses. He attacked and nearly killed a friend of mine. I also understand his situation is complicated and he does have his reasons. I don't want to meet him, though. Been through too much to be angel food."

With a sigh, Ben knocks back his glass. Angel politics are complicated and unpleasant in any world.

"There are a few people like that - the Eliksni, Jason, and now Moloch. They have reasons why they're so hostile, but it's best to stay out of their way. I have the feeling that they aren't the kind of people who'd appreciate pity. I used to be in a similar place, myself, so I can understand that mindset - I just know sympathy wouldn't win me any favors with them."

[tryingitall]

"But you're not an angel. Doubt runs against our very nature. We don't excel at free will. Although I do tend to agree with you that balance is important. Something we haven't found yet."

He nods. "Moloch is very complicated, and I'm not at the point where I could attempt an explanation. I think anything less powerful than he ought to avoid him studiously for the time being."

"But I'm in love with his brother, so sooner or later I'll have to reckon with him and all the other Fallen angels, whether I like them all or not. I'm just glad I get on well with most of them."

[chiaro_oscuro]

"Balance helps with a lot of things, but you're right, it's probably different for angels than humans. Angels - no offense meant - seem to have a longer view. Change is hard for mortals, too, but it makes sense that people who are longer-lived and immortal would be slower to change. The seasonal spirits are a little like that. They feel distant in some ways, though the angels I've met feel more empathetic than, say, Reynard or even Dyane."

"I was told many of Lucifer's angels have curses that make them the way they are - like Beelzebub's curse is to be drunk all of the time, and Moloch's eating habits come from his. Lucifer reassured me he's taking precautions. Belial said that if I meet him I should respect his capabilities and avoid seeming weak. He's a predator."

"I've gotten along with most of the ones I've met. It's a good thing most of them are agreeable with the amount of power they have." Ben runs through the angels he's met. "You must be Balthazar. I'm Ben Solo - a friend of Beelzebub and Galahad."