nexus_crossings | Dating Advice for an Absolute Beginner?

Dating Advice for an Absolute Beginner?

Minoru had spent a good part of the day freerunning. With the American Ninja Warrior qualifiers coming up soon back home, he needed all the training he could get. But really, he did parkour because he loved it. It helped him clear his mind.

Usually, it helped him clear his mind. But not today.

He arrived in the plaza, just as frazzled as he left it hours earlier. He slumped down (upside down) on one of the benches.

“I give up! Does anybody know how dating works?!?”

Because Minoru now had a koibito... err... girlfriend... and a first date he wanted to do something really special for. And the absolute beginner had absolutely no idea where to start.

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Ok, so guess what? Even though Oscar is a grouch and hates being disturbed by young kids who fall of benches when he lifts his trashcan lid---he might want to offer some advice right now. Take note of this Minoru.

"Uh-huh. So no chocolates because you say he can't eat them. Well, that saves a bit of money. How about some nice weeds? I might have some here you can offer him---"

Delving back into his can he began rummaging around at the bottom of the can until he finally popped his furry green head up again. Clutching some stinky weeds in his big furry fist he thrust them out to Minoru.

"Here you go. Some nice floral bouquets for your guy. These are what I give to people I like."

Minoru gratefully accepted the bouquet of weeds, though his nose crinkled at the smell. "Thanks! I think?"

It was a bouquet of something all right. Lots of dead browns, a few puke greens.

"You sure this is what people give each other on dates?"

"Great. So you like 'em? They're my best bunch so don't go sitting on them when you're in this date of yours. Yeah, people give each other flowers, right? So here are some flowers."

They're weeds, Oscar. But this green monster doesn't really know the difference nor does he care. The guy was on some mushy date so he had to be given something, right? Oscar himself hadn't been on many dates because a lot of people didn't like the smell of his trashcan.

"What's this guy like you're dating?"

Minoru smiled. Because, of course! Flowers! Flowers would be a perfect gift. They’re colorful and full of life, just like Ziggy.

At least, they were when they weren’t weeds. But Minoru accepted Oscar’s gift with grace and respect.

“He’s... gosh... he’s bright and full of energy! His whole presence is warm and inviting, even if he’s cold to the touch. He’s gentle, he’s considerate. He’s super talented and goes way over the top with pretty much everything I’ve ever seen him do. And he’s never, ever boring!”

For better or worse, Minoru wouldn’t want him any other way.

There might be some weeds in there too? Oscar couldn't remember since someone threw them into his trashcan around a month or so ago and they'd been in there since. Why would someone even throw a bunch of flowers into his can? Rude.

"Oh yeah? Sounds a fun guy. Too much energy for me though. I prefer a slower paced kind of person who likes to sleep and live in trash."

This would have to be Oscar's perfect trashy partner. As for boring? Well, who's to say being a trash monster is boring? You get new trash thrown into your can everyday. That's not boring, right?"

"Glad you're happy, pal. I'm Oscar. Just thought I'd let you know my name in case you open my lid again."

To each their own!

“Nice to meet you, Oscar.” He smiled, bowing his head politely in return. “I’m Minoru.”

"Minoru? Ok. So, do you often ask strangers for advice in dating? I've never really bothered to date anyone since not many people like me. They say I'm a grouch and that I stink."

That was the sad truth of it all. He'd tried to talk to someone once but they just walked away in the end. The stench of the trash can---it wasn't that pleasant at all. Maybe that's why Oscar couldn't get a date?

"Have you been in this place long? I don't even know how long I've been here since I woke up in some guy's garden during a damn rave."

“Oh... uh, well seeing that this is my first date ever, no. I guess I don’t. Or maybe since it’s my first date ever, and that’s what I did, then... yes?”

Minoru laughed, scratching his head. It did seem a bit silly, now that he thought about it.

“Been here for about... nine months, I think. We moved here over the summer, but it still took a while for Isamu’s grant application to go through at the IRIS.”

"First date, huh? Good luck with that. What's an IRIS?"

Oscar just shrugged because he didn't have a clue what the kid was talking about. He was just a green, grouchy trash monster after all who was new to the Nexus, only being a resident for a few weeks at least.

"Isamu? Who's that?"

“Oh!” Minoru scratched his head, realizing he’d given the new grouch resident absolutely no context there.

“Institute for Research and Interdimensional Studies. And Isamu is my twin brother.” He made sure to add, “Fraternal twin. We don’t look exactly alike, so it’s easier to tell us apart.”

Never mind the fact that Cookie Monster still couldn’t. Even if someone got stumped on looks, the twins’ different voices and manners of speaking could easily do the trick.

"Oh yeah? Sounds pretty technical, pal. I don't even think I can say that without a drink between sentences. That's deep. You're twins? Oh great. Even more of a headache to try and tell you apart. Does the other guy have even crazier hair than you?"

Oscar just stared. He doesn't mean to be rude, it's just his way. He thinks humans all look alike in a way except for the way they groom each other and wear weird clothes. Who needs clothes anyway?

"I'm still pissed off that someone rolled my can here without even saying anything to me. Some jerk did this."

“Yeah, no... If his hair got this long, it would have driven his neat and orderly mind crazy long before it could have actually gotten this long.”

In other words, Isamu knows his way around a hairbrush.

He stopped laughing when Oscar admitted his anger at being let here. “I’m glad you were here long enough to help me figure out what to do, but I get it. You can always go back to your home. If you need help getting your can back to a portal, can you tell me how to get there?”

Edited (The pun was too good.) 2021-05-27 11:53 (UTC)

"I can get home? Yeah, it would be easy if I could walk but look."

He pointed down to the can he was currently stuck inside. This was his home and it didn't have wheels to help him move on. The only way he was getting back home to Sesame Street was if someone carried him.

"Someone picked me up or rolled me into this crazy world, pal. There's no way I can get back on my own without help."

This guy wanted to help?

"Sure. If I want to get back home you sure you're wanting to help me? It stinks a little in here and most hate it."

Minoru nodded. “Well, sure! You helped me out! So, I’ll return the favor!”

It did smell, and Minoru was probably going to need a good shower when he got back, but it was the right thing to do. He started sizing up how best to lift and carry that trashcan.

“You tell me how to get to Sesame Street, and I’ll get you back home!”

(And honestly, who WOULDN’T want to go there, right?)

"Tell you how? Uh, I don't know. I mean---someone rolled me here when I was asleep so your guess is as good as mine as to how I get back. Some idiot thought it funny to do this to me."

That idiot would get a banana skin under his feet next time Oscar met him. If he ever met him. But this guy wanted to help so why not? What was the next worse thing that could happen to him?

"Thanks for uh---helping me. You sure you can lift me, pal? I'm pretty heavy with my trash 'an all."

Minoru was definitely built for speed and agility over brute strength, but parkour (and a lot of the American Ninja Warrior obstacles) also demanded at least the ability to lift his own weight up and over things. And lifting patients out of bed was part of his day-to-day duties.

“Only one way to find out.”

Minoru certainly had good technique going for him. He squatted down, lifting mostly with his legs.

Oscar wasn’t kidding - the can was heavy. But he could lift it! He held it for a couple seconds before gently setting it back down.

“Might have to stop a couple of times depending on how far away the portal is on the other side, but I think I can get you home.” He nodded. As long as Oscar was amenable, he’d dial in the right coordinates on his PINpoint and be on his way to where the air is sweet.

"Be careful if you do move me---woah, kid..."

Oscar wasn't used to having his can lifted by someone who wasn't the usual trash guy. But, it was nice that Minoru was offering to help him. He actually wanted to get Oscar back to Sesame Street? The guy was serious. Well, what did you know?

"You want to do this? Seriously? Thanks, pal. It's quite a journey though and I don't know how this PINpoint thing works. Someone threw one into my can when I arrived."

Now, Oscar is delving into his stinky pile of trash to pull out his PINpoint which is caked in dirt and trash. Did it even work? He smashed a few buttons with his big fuzzy green fingers and heard a beep.

"This thing? It still works I think."

Some of those PINpoint models were really durable. Minoru would know, having gone through several of the less durable ones already. Thank goodness they were cheap at the vending machines. Or Isamu would have probably given him an earful by now.

“I’ll try not to spill anything too bad...” he grunted as he held the can fairly steady. “Not sure if you’d like it more if I did, though.”

Oscar would have to do the dialing, as Minoru had his hands full.

"Appreciated, pal. How to work this damn thing though...."

Oscar frowned and began pressing buttons to try to get back to Sesame Street. Was this even working? Grumbling, he managed to get the right coordinates somehow because he entered "1,2,3 Sesame Street" and it seemed to work.

"Here we go---hold on!"

In a flash of light they were being transported back through the portal to Sesame Street.

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