It's a Beautiful Day in the Nexus, and You are a Horrible Coyote: Part 1

[becarefulwhatyouwish]

Perhaps you're browsing the open market, easing through a crowd of strangers of all shapes and sizes and colors, looking for a shiny new trinket or vital supplies to bring home. Perhaps you're taking a stroll through the park near the Plaza, following the walking path around the pond, enjoying the quiet sounds of nature or carrying a pocketful of bread crumbs for the turtleducks. Perhaps you're just after a cup of coffee and you don't plan to stay, or you're looking for work to keep busy, avoiding some task you really don't want to do. Whatever the case, everyone in the Nexus is here for a reason. For a purpose. Everyone is looking for something, whether it's a physical object, a friend, or maybe simple peace of mind.

Wherever you are, you're not alone.

You won't have seen him before he speaks, nor heard his approach. But there he is, as if he has come from nowhere. Perhaps he has. Coyote's suit is immaculately pressed, a pleasant smile pulling his lips back from his teeth. Wherever you are, so is he, looking to you in greeting.

"Hello, friend!" he says, ears perked forward attentively, his furred hands clasped in front of himself. "A question, if I may. What's the one thing you desire most right at this exact moment?"



[OOC: Please READ BEFORE REPLYING! This is part one of a mod-sanctioned event in which your character will have a wish temporarily granted. However, rather than granting the spirit of the wish as intended, Coyote will twist the wording into something your character finds genuinely distressing a la The Monkey's Paw. Please message me to arrange consequences for your character and (if needed) to set boundaries! While your character will not have fun, participating players absolutely should. For those who want to participate but don't want their character in distress, stay tuned for part two. You're also welcome to tag into threads after Coyote has worked his magic and left, though please ask the target player first.]

Comments

[tryingitall]

In Balthazar's mind, he's just said the opposite, really. He likes Dean enough not to be a complete jackass to his friends! That's pretty good for an angel!

"Some of us would enjoy a job where we get sucked on a regular basis," he says cheerfully, fully aware that's not at all what Zack meant. "But, right, not the problem at hand. Just try to remember to continue living for a bit."

"Balthazar. One of two in the Nexus, both angels. I'm the one that's engaged to Lucifer. The other one owns a bar."

[ablacksun]

He blinks at what he's told for a moment, and then, dear gods, Balthazar, must you? He's now wondering how it feels to get sucked, for this human body, and something is stirring that really shouldn’t be stirring. Not whilst in a public place.

Zack is horrified, and clamps a forearm over his groin. His face colours so completely, he can feel it burning. He can't remember the last time he felt shame or embarrassment, but then he's been able to control such reactions for the last few million years.

“Angels?” Ohhh, that explains such a lot. Maybe not the dirty mind, but definitely the meat suit part. Zack is largely uneducated, but he's aware some celestial - and infernal - beings require a vessel. “T'riffic,” he says through gritted teeth. “How in all the hells d'you cope? Does it get any easier?”

[tryingitall]

Oops. Now, that was genuinely not intentional. And because they're in a public place, Balthazar decides to pretend he hasn't noticed, although there is definitely a moment where his eyebrows quirk.

"Sometimes," he says thoughtfully, "it helps to consider the drawbacks of the alternative. Surely hanging about here having wine and chocolate cake is nicer than walking around a scorched planet killing things? You should eat something! Something light, probably, to start with. Trust me, things taste worlds better on a human tongue."

You had to ask the hedonist, didn't you, Zack? "I'll buy you a coffee or an ice cream if you like! I'd offer a drink but if I get you drunk you really will want to die and I don't think Dean would think it was as funny as I would."

[ablacksun]

Not for a moment is Zack naïve enough to think Balthazar hasn't noticed, though some small part of him is grateful for not being mocked. He furiously tries to focus on... anything.. what's the angel saying?

Wait. Food?

That helps. There's still the dilemma of wanting to be himself yet not wanting to do bad things. Or being human and not having to do them. If he didn't look exactly like Dean's brother, Zack might consider the latter very seriously.

“I...wouldn't mind trying a cheeseburger,” he grudgingly admits, already focussed on his stomach rather than other parts. “This body's got nothing in its belly. S'really not comfortable.”

[tryingitall]

Partly, Balthazar suspects if he made a comment about Sam's nether regions, Dean would punch him, angel or no. Not that that would hurt him, but they've made some progress and he'd rather not fuck it up now.

Food, then! He opens his mouth, closes it and frowns slightly, hesitating. "If a cheeseburger is what you want, I'm happy to buy it for you, but...you are aware that what a human ingests does eventually break down and come out the other end? You've got to eat sooner or later anyway, but fair warning. If you've not experienced the elimination process before, you're probably not going to enjoy it."

"But you'll feel better overall with a snack."

[ablacksun]

The promise of food is for a moment a shining light on an otherwise intolerable situation. However, all his other issues are forgotten when Zack remembers that mortals are basically (to him) filthy animals. Their bodies do filthy animal things.

He really doesn't need this information, however much he actually does.

"That settles it. M'gonna starve myself to death," he growls, and starts to stomp off. Or maybe he'll walk into the wilds and wait for something to eat him. Much quicker that way and at least nobody involved is gonna be hungry when it's over.

It's best all round if Balthazar dissuades him from this idea...

[tryingitall]

The angel facepalms inwardly and lopes after him. "No, you're not, either. Starving is very uncomfortable and also much grosser than taking a piss. If dying were that much easier than being alive, people would do it all the time. The universe isn't designed that way."

He steps around him to bar his way, wings fanned behind him. They're invisible to the human eye, but there's a light shadow of them on the ground behind him. "Come on, now. You're a grown-up, and whatever's done this won't last forever. Suck it up."

He's just not going to mention that because he's in a vessel, he hasn't actually experienced starvation, elimination, or disease, and likely never will. Better to run with the illusion that he has firsthand advice here.

"Tell you what, come to Lord of the Fries with me, have at least a bite of something to taste. If you still want to march into the jaws of the unknown, then, I won't even argue."

...He'll text Dean and track him to make sure he can be found again, but he won't argue.

[ablacksun]

The words make sense, but Zack is in something of a poody. Low blood sugar, most likely, given the body.

Whether they're literally or metaphorically so, it would seem Zack is attracted by shiny things. Who knew? He's only just cottoned onto that himself. It's the shadow of the wings that intrigue Zack enough not to try pushing past Balthazar. Yes, there may be a deep and seething resentment of the fact he might be able to see them if he was using his own eyes, but they're there and he's intrigued.

And food.

Gah.

“Just a taste,” he mutters, almost snarling. It emphasises that this creature is a wild thing, and that it's not Sam Winchester's soul glowering through the eyes. “And that better be a promise.”

He doesn't only mean the not arguing part, he means the not lasting forever part too. Only he fails to articulate this because. Food. Right on cue, Zack's stomach growls in much the same way he often does.

“Thank you,” he adds, still sullen but actually making some attempt not to be a dick.

[tryingitall]

Haha, let's hope he doesn't get toxic after a burrito like Sam evidently does, too.

In his normal body, Zack might be able to see the wings a bit better, but they're not fully in the space around them, either. It's safer, on the physical plane, to keep them in a quantum state; half here, half not-here, half a part of the vessel and half hanging out of the physical body so they can stretch and not cramp up like a bitch. He would answer questions, but his focus right now is on making it difficult for Zack to go get himself killed. And so, food first!

"Inasmuch as my limited knowledge of the situation permits, it's a promise," he says. And he's comfortable with that, really. Nothing lasts forever, and he knows a number of people who can break curses.

He doesn't bother to modulate his stride, since the person at his side is taller and therefore has longer legs, and so it will be a matter of moments before the scent of grilling beef filters into their nostrils, and not long after that, the facade of the restaurant appears. It's gaudy, violently red, and there are cartoon pigs with demon wings depicted on the windows and menu, all wearing chef's hats and aprons and happily waving grilling tools.

"I know, it's incredibly tacky," Balthazar says. "But the food is some of the best in the Nexus, trust me."

[ablacksun]

One can only hope.

It takes Zack a few moments to assimilate the phrasing of that promise, such as it is or could hope to be. Balthazar sounds like some of the demons and hellgods making their bargains, so Zack, though a creature of simpler words understands. He can't help assuming that angels must be tricky bastards too.

The foodery is indeed a tad harsh on the eyes. Especially for a creature from a monochromatic reddish hellish dimension. But it is red, so he's used to that at least.

Once close enough, he traces fingers over the images of the pig demon chefs, asking "Do these really exist?" He's expecting them to be the serving staff.

[tryingitall]

Although, if he does, it'll be Dean's problem, not Balthazar's.

Balthazar opens the door for him, then pauses to watch him prod the painting of the pig-chef on the wall nearby. He cracks a faint smile. "It's the Nexus; I suspect they exist somewhere in the multiverse. But if you're asking will you see them here today, the answer is no. They're just mascots. A marketing gimmick."

"Now, I will buy you whatever you want off the menu here, but I want you to promise me you won't try to eat an entire gluttony burger, or the wrath burger, because neither of those should be the first things introduced into your poor virgin digestive tract."

If Zack takes a moment to look, the restaurant's menu is posted on the door. Balthazar really has his best interests at heart here!

[ablacksun]

The lack of the bizarre pig things doesn't really disappoint. They might be vaguely entertaining but Zack is not overly fond of demonkind. He may be hell-spawned, but he's no demon and has suffered too much at their hands. Or what passes for hands.

Words like mascots and marketing go right over his head, but Zack manages to nod intelligently. He knows what a gimmick is.

"I promise," he agrees, and when faced with the menu, Zack balks. Esther is teaching him how to read, but they've barely started. While Zack can pick out letters of the alphabet, he needs to be focussed and relaxed - which he is not, at present. So he'll just pretend he understands.

"I'd like that," he tells the angel, pointing at 'Haha, just kidding!' under 'Salads'.

[tryingitall]

It's nice to have him agreeable on at least one point, whether it's because he trusts Balthazar's judgment here, or whether he's just trying to shut him up. The hostess comes up to seat them as Zack looks the menu over, and is therefore witness to Zack's selection.

"Um..." she looks from one to the other.

If this were actually Sam Winchester, Balthazar would be unable to resist harassing him for this decision. Because he is a relative stranger, though, and very much a fish out of water, he hesitates to be quite as much of a troll as usual. It never occurred to him he might not be able to read!

"Let's sit first," he says. "And I think we each want a glass of water to start. My friend isn't used to being corporeal, you see."

If it wasn't the Nexus, that would be a weird thing to say, but the server just nods sagely and leads them to a booth. Once she has delivered the water and departed, Balthazar rests his chin in his hand. "Now, then. Just because you look like Sam Winchester doesn't mean you have to order a salad. Come on, live a little."

Especially since there isn't a salad to be ordered. "You've got to try the fries, at least. They really are the best in the place. I think you should try the violence burger; it's a nice little sampler of animal protein."

[ablacksun]

Huh. Maybe he's ordered a lightly grilled baby, or something. The skin he's not used to reddens. Zack is now going to have to stick to an order that he might not be able to stomach. Or he could just pretend to change his mind and point to something else.

There's an inordinate sense of gratitude to the angel however, when sitting is suggested, and water, because Zack really likes clean fresh water. It's rare in hell dimensions. Also, the booth feels a little bit safe. Somewhere Zack can draw breath, which is still alien to him, and not have to face the world at large.

When he understands - however mistakenly - he's ordered salad, Zack can't help wondering why the waitress was so weird about it. But he's grateful all over again and nods, probably over-enthusiastically. "Yeah. yeah, I'll try that instead. Fries and flesh are good."

One thing does need clearing up though. "I am used to being corporeal," he explains to Balthazar. "M'not flesh and blood though. It's more... dust and grit."

[tryingitall]

As far as Balthazar is aware, there are no restaurants in the Nexus that serve the babies of sapient species. Maybe in the Underground, but he rather hopes not.

He's pleased to have smoothed the confusion over for the moment. Later, he might ask about Zack's reading ability. For all he knows, he simply can't see right with human eyeballs, but there's no need to make a big deal out of it when they're simply trying to get a snack. "I," he says, "am going to have cheese fries, chocolate cake, and a cherry cola. Their cheesecake is decent, but I'm really spoiled. My fiance has been making cheesecake since it was invented, and his simply cannot be beat."

His brows crease a little at the explanation, but he nods slowly to show he's attending. "I suppose, since you said 'hellspawn' I assumed you were like my world's demons. There are so many different types of celestials and divinities and infernals about. One could write a field guide."

"Why are you--" Wait, no. Balthazar, you can't just ask someone why they're dust and grit! "Mnhh. Tell me more about how you normally operate, how's that?"

[ablacksun]

If it's any consolation, Zack may be perpetually hungry, but he does draw the line at eating sapient beings. At present, he's a tad relieved that he doesn't have to sit and eat a small one - just to cover up a lie.

He should have known better than to try to con an angel. That shit always comes back to bite you in the arse.

"Lucifer makes cheesecake?" You really do live and learn. Zack has a hard time picturing that particular domestic scene. It's also maddening. It confirms what Dean's been trying to get him to do, call Abe out on his bullshit. If Lucifer has access to really good food, then Abdiron must have too. And yet he's allowed Zack to grub about in the dirt for bug and rat for seven billion years. "Gonna fucking strangle him," he mutters, before he can stop it coming out of his mouth.

Fortunately, Balthazar's question gives Zack the chance to explain himself. "Not Lucifer. I don't want trouble with him. My brother. Abe's the hellgod who made me. How I operate is ... complicated." He wouldn't mind the angel coming out with such a direct question. Zack is frequently blunt and appreciates honesty. "D'you mean how does my corporeal body work? Or what I actually do?"