nexus_crossings | enters an actual nightmare

enters an actual nightmare

It walks with a shadowy grace; a slow waltz with it's head hung low and black tresses of hair flowing over it's cracked white face. A lullaby vibrating quietly in it's throat. Inky black drifts and rolls down its body, trailing along the floor. It seems... surprisingly shy. Avoiding eyes that cast its way. Wandering in times of light causes Albtraum to be more cagey than usual.

Though after some time of dodging in and out of doorways, and dark corners, and any or all sorts of nooks and crannies, it long last manifests in a tavern corner. Oh, because it remembers the introduction and the request, the question. Simply, it was stewing.

"Good evening," a heavily accented voice, deep baritone smooth and piercing as aged whiskey. Eyes look outward and head tips up toward nowhere in particular. "What brings you back to a feeling of home?"

(ooc: will do brackets or prose. info here. Still fleshing it out.)

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[[OOC: Hey weird new muse, have a weird old muse.]]

All sorts of new ways between all sorts of new worlds have opened up since the Dreamwide Shift, though Jacinda has only recently ventured out along them. (Zie kept to zirself even when the old meeting place was busy. At least zie doesn't drink nearly as much as before.) Currently, Jacinda is sipping at a single bottle of beer and watching the other patrons of the tavern. Maybe zie is looking for someone ~~that zie won't find here~~.

In any case, the question draws Jacinda's attention. "I've had a lot of homes," zie answers, "but they never last."

(ooc: honk yeah. )

It tilts its head a little, watching from the distance where Jacinda was perched. Well, Albtraum would be no judge to habits--drink, no drink. It made little impression either way. It was interested in dreams; in hopes and fears, longings and regrets. And what one dreams of tells far stronger a story of that person; what one fears, one keeps hidden away--even more telling.

Albtraum lifts from its place, fingers clawing briefly at maybe fabric or maybe it was just adjusting itself. Who can tell, really? That dress certainly doesn't act like a dress would. Has a damn mind of its own. But the creature's saunter is slow and its eyes avert from Jacinda the closer it gets. It peers about the patrons of the bar until it seats itself, and in the dim light a wet streak of red comes tumbling down the cracked white cheek.

"Do you wish for a home?" Deep and airy like a hush.

Jacinda watches the creature's approach with some wariness, but while the outfit is certainly behaving in a weird, not-fabric way, overall there doesn't seem to be a threat in the creature's mannerisms. Zie takes another sip from the beer bottle.

If asked, and if in the right mood, Jacinda could tell of fears. Regrets, too. Bone-deep hurts like being forgotten and left behind, again and again. It's not information that zie will volunteer easily, however.

"I do all right without one, for now." Zie rolls zir neck, letting it pop, and smiles a little wryly. "Maybe I just outgrew my old homes. Like a hermit crab."

Edited 2022-08-08 07:12 (UTC)

"Ah," the acknowledgment rolls off its tongue in an almost songlike manner and an unsettling but not particularly dangerous smile crawls over its lips. That trail of blood drips, drips, drips until it curves down its chin and disappears. It looks upward, recalling memories. "I remember times when nomadic life was common among humankind. The world was small."

It has time, and plenty, to quest for those things of interest to it. Everyone fears and everyone dreams, it's not about to run out anytime soon. "Time changes us all."

"You remember, huh? So you're one of those immortal types, I guess." Jacinda sticks to a slightly flippant tone, though the bloody tears are... bothering zir. The image needles at the mind, like a nightmare zie can't quite remember.

At the next comment, Jacinda lifts the bottle slightly, in an acknowledgement or toast to the words. "For better or worse, time changes us all." Zie takes a deep drink, glances away from the creature, and says quietly, "Usually for the worse, unless you make an effort."

"I am dark dreams," it offers the clarification after leaning into the table just a touch. "We are inseparable, humankind and I, but I can die. When dreams no longer exist nor will I."

It watches a moment, eyes finding Jacinda for what might be the first time this entire interaction. Such sadness and pain it feels. Some mortals, its known, live only in darkness. Just like it does. But humans were not made to live only in darkness. And in this, Albtraum feels a sense of sorrow.

"Ah," the word creeps along those blackened lips in time with fingers trickling over the tabletop in gesticulation. "Darkness follows you, young one. Ja?"

"You're stuck with us for a while, then. Never knew a human who didn't dream..." Even for things they shouldn't, or can't have.

Jacinda thinks that over. Does darkness follow zir? Born into poverty, orphaned at age ten, living on the streets, recruited at age twelve into a vigilante's war against crime, betrayed and murdered at age fifteen... brought back to life by some freak coincidence only to be confronted by a world that didn't want him anymore. Clawing the way back from madness only to be cursed with a female body that doesn't fit, used as an amusement for a vengeful goddess, leaving an entire universe behind only to be left behind in turn.

"Maybe it does. I feel like... whenever I'm presented with a choice, I choose wrong. And then I'm punished for it." Zie rubs a thumb against the neck of the bottle, mulling over the original question. Finally, zie says, "Home is feeling safe. Knowing that you can sleep without worrying about being jumped or kicked out of the place. The smell of clean blankets and the feeling of a full belly, the sound of someone you love nearby."

In dreams, it lives the realities of humanity's horrors both large-scale and personal. It has tasted a fear beyond the ability to dream from scratch. Those terrors that haunted people in the night came from the earth, from a history of blood. Humankind was a special sort of monster and yet it loved them so. Perhaps, because they were both monsters. In the end, was it not simply a reflection of this?

It leans back against the chair as its attention drifts upward and a hand sleepily moves to gesticulate its points, the airy deep quality in its vocal tone feels almost theatrical. Like weaving a story. "I hear prayers before sleep comes; cries for better days. Humans want an answer. They blame God or the Devil; their parents, their teachers, their kin. Seeking the why. Why them?" Its head rolls down, chin tucked in to its chest. Eyes finding Jacinda once more. "I think there is no answer why darkness follows some; it just is."

What unfortunate events this young human has been through. "Have you found it yet, your home?" For many, this home lives in them. Goes where they go.

"I think we have to ask, even if we don't get an answer. We want to believe that things happen for a reason, that there is purpose to the suffering. Like, if there's some purpose we can divine, then at least it's worth it. But maybe there's no meaning in it, however much we want there to be."

There's no joy in the smile that twists Jacinda's mouth at that question, just weariness. "Found, and lost again, more than once. But I'm still looking. No reason to stop looking for a home, right?"

It cannot say for certain; it holds no dominion over fate. Though in years of observing it feels less inclined to believe in reasons. The desire for one, however, is wholly human. Albtraum cannot blame anyone for having it.

Fingertips tap and scratch at the wood before a palm smoothed it and, as if struck by inspiration, its entire body animated in a tale. "A young girl dreamed of peace. War took her father, grief took her mother, famine took her brother. She brought death to all she touched but longed for life. Cried herself to sleep each night. One day, she stopped dreaming of peace." Her transformation was magical, artfully vicious, and devastatingly gruesome. "She found a home in the wars that haunted her."

Sometimes people live in the dark. Counter to what most believe these days, it's not necessarily an evil thing. At least, Albtraum believes this.

Jacinda has lived in the dark before, and could probably be comfortable there again -- the fervent avenger with his grand plans, with blood spilt in the gutters of a city in the name of protecting that city's children -- but zie isn't sure zie wants that. Not like zie used to. (A zealot must be certain of their own righteousness, after all.)

"Maybe one day I'll stop dreaming of peace, too. For now, though, I think I'll keep striving." This smile is a little wistful, but not without warmth, as zie recites,

"All night dark wings
flopping in my heart.
Each an ambition bird."

[[OOC: "The Ambition Bird", Anne Sexton]]

Edited 2022-08-08 17:27 (UTC)

Poetry. You've found the key to it's heart.

"You must get a new bird," it whispers in a low husk, a finger pointing outward to punctuate the statement. That smile returns, though it is far from something that warms the heart even if not malicious in manner. What dream a person chooses to chase, metaphorically, is their choice to make. It'll be here, when it's necessary, regardless.

For some reason, those words hit the mark.

Where you been, favorite Dickie-bird o' mine?

I hope you know by now that I'm absolutely smitten, here.

Jacinda blinks, and realizes that zir eyes are a little wet. Zie presses a hand over zir mouth, then uses the side of that wrist to brush away the one tear that escaped. Maybe... maybe Jacinda has been holding on to an old dream for too long. All zie says aloud, though, is:

"The old one's flown away, yeah."

Oh, to be smitten. The greatest sorrow of them all and to lose it, it knows this fear from many. Its one that starts even in the young. Albtraum cants its head, marking the wet shimmer in those eyes. "You speak of love."

The word makes Jacinda feel defensive, and zie mutters, "Maybe."

But why lie, and to a being that's seen a thousand thousand tales of heartbreak written over the ages? What does it care that Jacinda was silly enough to hope, once upon a time?

Zie sighs, and folds zir arms on the tabletop in a defensive posture, not looking at Albtraum as zie says, "He could have been home, I think. But I lost my chance. Too scared to ask, and then everything changed. The ways shifted and no one's been back since. I've waited."

'Maybe' warrants a warm chuckle as it shifts in its chair. Yes, it knew many tales but it knew heartbreak personally, too. The burning heart does not care for logic or reasoning. It dreams as it wants to for as long as it wants to.

As Jacinda speaks, it watches. It watches a moment before lifting a finger to tap upon the table. A nail dragged along the wood, whimsical designs. Its eyes have fallen to the invisible patterns, quietly humming a song while the other spoke.

"Do they love me? Am I enough? I have heard these questions from children too young to be wondering them." And it is not the same kind of love, but the base emotions remain the same. "Into young ones experiencing their first love, and to adults who fear their love is fading, to the old ones who have lost it."

Those clawed nails move inward to a thick scar upon it's chest. Right where a heart might be. "It wants what it wants. So will you keep dreaming?" And waiting.

'Do they love me? Am I enough?'-- both questions that Jacinda has asked many times. And there were some dark times that zie was certain the answer to both was 'no'.

Jacinda's eyes are drawn to that scar on the creature's chest, and zie wonders... was this always a 'creature', or... someone else? But the question it asks silences the one on zir tongue.

"I think... that I need to do a little bit more than dream. My own world is behind some of the ones I know of... it was only just 1999 there, when I left." Jacinda considers long held worries and the suggestions of friends zie hasn't seen in a long time. "I could find somewhere further along, somewhere that's better about transitioning... he wanted to help me regain the right body anyway, so he'd be happy for me... if he ever came back."

It feels like a better answer than wallowing in regret, for one thing.

Tales from days so long ago, but not ones that it would refuse to share at some point. It simply listens for now-- most of these concepts are meaningless to Albtraum. Time, and it presumes hopefully correctly, gender. It tracks and pays attention to neither of these things.

Though it enjoys stories, and so it inquires further. "Humankind puts so much importance on these things," a nail gestures to Jacinda's person, "Will you?" Find a better time, and place, that was.

(ooc: hey just wanna say thank you, by the way! For helping me flesh out this character. I've learned a lot about it during this thread and gained a lot of inspiration so I appreciate this!!! )

In liminal spaces like these, concepts of time (and yes, gender) get blurred. But it's the various 'real' worlds that really care, maybe because whatever natural laws govern them are so strong there, not weak and malleable as within these in-between places.

"People love to sort and categorize, though. Impose a little order on the chaos that is life." Jacinda chuckles, and recites a few lines from a song, "I'd store it in boxes, with little yellow tags on every one..." though zie doesn't actually sing.

"Will I? Find a new world to settle in?" Jacinda rests zir chin on a hand, using the other hand to trace a random pattern on the tabletop (mirroring Albtraum without really thinking about it, really). "I think so. I'm a man of action, and I've been idle long enough. If I wanted to stay in one place forever, I could have suffocated in my grave."

[[OOC: I'm so glad that this thread helped you too! Thank YOU for your character giving Jacinda the kick in the pants to progress their storyline, because it's been a while.]]

Albtraum hums, eyes peering up occasionally to watch the fingers dance along wood. Things were as they pleased to be in places like this, of which there were more than many knew. Though it has quite a few thoughts on the matter it isn't sure whether philosophical discussions were part of the menu tonight.

Instead, it slowly nods to itself. That last statement paints a lovely image. It's head lifts and its eyes look up in dreamy thought. The darkness of four six-foot walls of dirt. Welcoming her cold embrace. Smothered by it until the light goes out. It could live there forever in that cold and dark place. It thinks, though, Jacinda cannot.

So it's "Sehr gut," that it says. "And that in this a hope I do not visit you too often."

( ooc: Oh, you're so welcome! Now I've got a better picture of its history and personality. A shame though, I probably would have gone about some replies differently now HAHAHA. Such is the way it goes! )

[[OOC: Muses always have a way of surprising us. But that's the fun, I think! I mean, Jacinda's over here going "well, I made a friend" and I'm like "with a nightmare, good job." XD ]]

Jacinda definitely could not live there forever -- and the statement was far more literal than most might think. There are scars on zir hands where splinters of coffin wood embedded in zir knuckles, where desperate fingertips were shredded by dirt as zie dug upward with rapidly diminishing air. The memories have been a frequent feature of zir nightmares.

Jacinda nods at Albtraum's words, and gives a genuine little smile. Surely it is going to move on -- after all, the Nexus is full of interesting people to talk to. Zie leans back in zir chair, gives a casual little salute, and says, "Bis später."

If only it knew the full story. What a special treat it was to return from Death's grasp. To envision that struggle, the panic, the pain. Perhaps another time. For now, indeed it was time to move along. Not without a pleased sound as it's body slowly lifted, "Aah, sehr gut!"

Truth be told, when speaking to those not of its home it sometimes doesn't even notice its native tongue slipping out. Nevertheless, it smiled and bowed its head. "Auf Wiedersehen, mein Freund."

( ooc: Who doesn't love to have a nightmare as a friend!! Thanks for the thread. Feel free to bother us on our open post or on any memes you see us around in <3. We'll do the same! )

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