On Second Chances

[primelogic]

A world without time.

Worlds upon worlds, eras intermingling. Species crossing who would never otherwise cross paths. Never ending, infinitely possible. All coalesced into one shared space where the impossible is not only probable, but for certain exists around every corner.

"Fascinating."

The young may come and go through this place with the purpose and rush that that they so often have, but for the particularly old Vulcan who has ended up here there hardly seems to be a hurry. He patiently strolls up and down the streets of the plaza, through the shopping districts, and round to more open areas with parks full of lush grasses of varying colors.

The summer weather is favorable for one used to a more arid and warm climate. Ambassador Spock finds a quiet sunny bench to take a seat at and relaxes against the worn wooden frame with the peeling paint. Ah, but that's right. There are requirements here for those who seek answers.

"If one found themselves in an opportunity to meet their past self, what words of wisdom would you feel obligated to impart?"

Comments

[rogueinladysclothing]

Of all the questions to resonate with a person who tells themselves that they regret nothing they've done, this is certainly one that challenges it. Amelia tries to ignore it as she hears it, to keep her head down as she walks past with her bag full of books and her hands held firmly at her sides. But as she tries to walk away, her feet find a return path and land her straight in front of the newcomer instead. She looks up from the ground to meet Spock's gaze for a moment before crossing her arms in front of her chest, almost as if bracing herself for the cold gust of wind her fully covered frame is surely expecting.

"I'd tell that child to stop pretending to be an adult and let things happen as they will. And when she doesn't listen, I'd tell her to be ready for the day she gets what she wants and to understand that it's enough and she doesn't need to do anymore than that."

Somewhere in her mind she knows that her teenage self would never listen to this kind of advice. But if she could somehow manage it? Could prevent herself from ending up in the Nexus so she could finish all those things she didn't realize she'd started on her world? It would be worth the try.

[primelogic]

"You bear quite the weight on your shoulders, Miss."

The elderly Vulcan has not moved from his position on the bench, content to bask in the warmth of the sun despite being clad head to toe in thick robes. In his age he prefers more and more the temperature clime of his own home planet. A truly distressing preference considering it simply does not exist in the time he now resides in.

"You would press caution and inaction on yourself. Curious. Most, I feel, would try to do more with their time. And yet you would seek to do less. Do you regret your actions so much?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

"I regret nothing I've done." A very contradictory statement, considering what advice she'd give herself. "I simply don't think anyone should have to live through the same things I have. Even if I would end up a different person than who I am now, I wouldn't wish those hardships on myself - or anyone, for that matter."

Is it selfish to want something better for yourself, even if you're too scared to try for it? Amelia's not certain, but if she could keep someone from having to experience all those same things she did? She would, even if it only affected her, personally.

"A lack of certain actions only opens the door to others that one might never have considered. Giving myself options I never dreamed of would allow the girl I was to become more than who and what I am now." She could be the lady her father always wanted, or at least give in and start a family of her own to carry on their business. It's not what Amelia ever thought she could have, and so she convinced herself that she didn't want it. To be allowed to do those things without fear of losing her footing in the world? It's a pleasant daydream.

Her head tilts to one side and a tiny smile tugs at the corner of her lips as she regards Spock. "Is it strange to want something like that?"

[primelogic]

"No, not strange. Simply a different point of view. You would offer yourself a chance to be someone else, with no guarantee it would work."

He had encouraged much the opposite in his own younger self with a similar guarantee that his experiences would not be the same as the memories he holds most dear in his aging Vulcan heart.

"And what of the bonds you've made? Would you give the same advice knowing you would be depriving them both of such things?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

The smile she had falters as she considers that. Would she have met those few friends she had back home if she hadn't become a rogue in the way she did? And if she had, would they still have had the same relationships? It seems unlikely, and while that doesn't bother her for most of them, the idea of never having met or befriending Nathan hurts her.

...but would it really have been so bad to not break her own heart over someone she never would've been allowed to be with back home? She could've fought for him, sure, but he never would've accepted her like that. No one accepts her like that and the best she could've hoped for was friendship so it doesn't matter ...right?

Dreams this hurts her head. And she hasn't even tried to think of all of those people a different version of herself would miss out on by not coming to the Nexus.

She takes a deep breath and shrugs her shoulders a little, shifting her weight from one foot to the other to give herself a few extra seconds to think before speaking. "It's the same for them as it is with the other experiences. If that girl missed meeting some people I know now, she would meet others I've never thought or dreamed of. There's a possibility for more joy in a life that doesn't lead her to being me." Joy that, as a sinner, she couldn't know even if she'd stayed home. "She deserves a fresh start, even if I don't."