nexus_crossings | A reminder to not count your Earths before they've hatched.

A reminder to not count your Earths before they've hatched.

It is not unusual to find Adia in the Plaza. She is there frequently enough, sitting in front of a Nexus terminal or fixing herself a cup of coffee. It is not even unusual to find her accompanied by pokémon. This time it's only one, a large bird that stands nearly as tall as she does. It stays close to her seat, keeping a watchful eye for suspicious characters.

What is unusual is the expression on her face.

Adia has come to the Nexus upset before, but this is different. All her nervous energy is gone, replaced with a washed-out, nearly lethargic appearance. She's holding a children's drawing in her hands, staring at it for long seconds before folding it along well-worn creases. She picks at a corner, staring into the distance, then unfolds it and starts the process all over again.

This goes on for several minutes until Bucky, wise bird that he is, gently nudges her with his beak. Coming back to herself, she blinks and looks around, remembering where she is.

"Something... something bad happened back home. A lot of people are... really upset. And losing hope. How do you come back from that?" She looks down at the picture and whispers, "How do you learn to hope again?"

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"That's the only thing we can do. We can't live on our ships forever." Nearly three years with limited resources is really starting to push the limits of the Fleet. "But... even if we find a place to live, the Cylons can still find us."

But she doesn't expect Amelia to have the answers. It's why she asked about hope and not something more practical. She gives her friend a small, sad smile. "Thanks," she says sincerely, even if she can't manage much else.

There's a stretch of silence while she looks back down at the drawing in her hands. "There are things that... that hurt too much for me to hope. But Earth, that was such a big hope for all of us. Now that it's gone, even the small hopes seem impossible."

Hope isn't a thing Amelia's ever had in any meaningful way. Every time she's tried to believe in it, the multiverse took it and shattered it against the rocks like the waves at high tide. Her frown deepens and she holds tighter to Adia's hand. How she wishes she had something concrete to offer this brave woman who sat with her through the anger and pain of her own mourning such a short time ago. But she doesn't. All she has is vague advice that she can only pray will help.

"Then perhaps now is the time to focus on the practical. Find a place you can live temporarily, or at least resupply so that you can keep moving. If you don't want to be found, then don't stop moving unless you have to. You don't have to let yourselves be found. You can make it through this."

Taking a breath, Amelia stands, grabs hold of the closest seat, and draws it next to Adia's. The rogue sits and, without letting go of her friend's hand, rests her free hand on the other woman's shoulder. "And lean on those of us who care for you," she says softly. "We would do anything within our power to help you, even... offer you a hug, if you'd like one." If Adia's wondering if that was Amelia's way of offering, the small smile on the rogue's lips when Adia meets her gaze should answer that question. Touching is still weird and she really doesn't like it, but if it helps? Amelia will push past her discomfort for her friend.

By contrast, hope is sometimes the only thing that Adia had. Whenever life was too much to handle, when even a retreat to the Nexus couldn't soothe her nerves, at least she had the dream of finding her own Earth to keep her going.

To lose that is simply devastating.

But she has not lost everything. And hope is hard to extinguish in someone who always has the seeds for it buried deep in her heart. She smiles faintly at Amelia's advice -- a rogue would know best on how not to be found, wouldn't she? Watching her drag a seat over and then sit so close to her, she's still taken aback by the offer of a hug. She must look pretty bad off if Amelia is willing to branch out of her comfort zone.

"i'd like that," she says quietly. She squeezes Amelia's hand. "But I know it's not your thing. You being this close is comfort enough." And though she looks so lost, her eyes are dry and her voice is calm. She had gotten out most of her tears when she first learned the news. All that's left now is a tired defeat that she's trying not to succumb to.

"It's not all bad news," she adds. "The Cylons are having their own civil war, and the rebels joined our side." It's no thirteenth tribe, but it will have to do for now.

She shakes her head a little at Adia's offer to forgo the hug. "It's not mine, no, but it's yours." And isn't that what's important to keep in perspective when someone is in pain? It's not like this is the first time she's gone out of her way to do something she didn't like for someone she truly cared about, and it likely won't be the last. If Adia wants to be close, and a hug would make her feel better? Then she can have it. With a small smile, Amelia gives her friend's hand another gentle squeeze. "I'm here for you, however you need me."

Even the smallest bit of good news is something, but this is the best kind of news when Adia's universe is suffering from a war. "There's hope then, isn't there?" she asks, teasing the tiniest bit in the hopes of encouraging a smile out of her friend. "That's a huge boon for your people in all of this."

As much as she hates pushing people out of their comfort zone, she could still use physical comfort from a friend. And maybe Amelia needs this too, to prove how much she cares. Letting out a soft sigh, she nods, turning in her seat so that she can be hugged more easily. Curiously, she only hugs back with one arm, keeping the drawing close to her chest with the other, as if afraid she'll lose it.

"Not everyone in the Fleet sees it that way," she replies quietly. The smile Amelia was hoping for does not come. "Caspar, um... he wasn't one of the rebels."

If Adia doesn't want a full hug, Amelia's the absolute last person who would push her for it. But as she wraps her arm gently around her friend, she can't help but falter a little on the confession about Caspar. Oh. That makes this even more difficult for Adia, doesn't it?

Her smile falters, and she gives the other woman a gentle squeeze around the shoulders. "I'm sorry, Adia. I can't imagine how difficult that must make this for you." To see her lover on the other side of enemy lines must make this war even more personal for Adia, especially after the event that drove the woman to drink and weep so openly in the Nexus. To see this pain in her friend makes her hurt in the same way she does when all of her closest friends and family were beset by impossible circumstances. It also drives her to ask something she hasn't offered in this way in a long time.

"What can I do to help?"

She leans into the hug gratefully, only the faintest hitch of breath revealing how close to tears she might truly be. But she doesn't cry, not even when Amelia squeezes her gently. She has shed too many tears for Caspar already; the disappointment over him not joining the rebel Cylons does not deserve a fresh round, especially when the loss of Earth is far more important.

The hand holding the picture clenches ever so slightly. The paper crinkles under touch and she relaxes instinctively. "Um... there is something you can do, actually." She pulls out of the hug so that she can show Amelia the drawing. Two stick figures -- a woman with hair like Adia and a man in a purple suit -- smile and hold hands under a yellow sun, a line of green beneath their feet. There is a red heart between them, and the number 5 written over and over in the remaining blank space.

"A little girl in the Fleet drew this. Her name's Hera, and she's the only Cylon-human hybrid in existence. She drew it for me after I babysat her. I don't know how she knew about Caspar, but..."

Thrusting the paper towards the other woman suddenly, she says, "I want you to hold onto it for me. Because if I keep it, I'll tear it into tiny pieces and I... I don't want to. But I can't -- I can't bear to keep looking at it, either. So... please. If you don't mind."

The amount of trust being put in her so suddenly is staggering. Yes, she and Adia are friends, but Amelia knows exactly what this drawing is without having to ask, how much it means to the other woman as she clings to it and explains what on it. Are they really close enough for Adia to ask for the rogue's help in this way?

"Adia, I..." Her voice falters as she stares at the piece of paper and then looks up at Adia again. A rogue isn't a person to put your trust in, she reminds herself. A rogue is one who steals, lies, cheats, and doesn't have true connection or familiarity with anyone. Amelia's held to that for a very long time. Even in this place where she's completely alone and isolated, her friends are always at arms' length, coming close but never getting close. But, somehow, this woman has managed to not see all of that and thinks them close enough to ask this deeply personal favor. It's unexpected and heavy, and yet...

...and yet Amelia finds herself inspired to try.

Gingerly, she takes the paper from Adia's outstretched hands, looking over the drawing slowly. It's so simple, and yet it gives Adia that thing she's always in need of when everything begins to fall apart - hope for a better future. Hope for her and the lover she was forced to let go of when things changed for the worse. She needs this, but with things going the way they are right now, she knows she can't hold onto it. She needs to give it to someone she trusts until she's ready to face this again. And if that isn't reason enough for the rogue to give in, then the rest of the overwhelming evidence will do it.

With a nod, the rogue folds up the paper and tucks it away into one of her pouches before offering her hands to Adia again. "I know the perfect spot to keep it," she says softly. "No harm will come to it while it's with me. I promise."

It's not as if she consciously planned to hand over the drawing to anyone for safe keeping, but as she holds it out for the astonished rogue, she's quite confident in her decision. She doesn't know anything about Amelia's missed chances in love or the significance of her silver hairpin, yet somehow she's certain that the other woman understands her current plight.

Hope used to be such a simple emotion for Adia. One that came easily to her open heart. But now it was a complicated, heavy thing. It held her down as much as lifted her up. And with her friends needing her, with the Fleet on the brink of despair, she couldn't afford to be dragged down any longer.

Besides, Amelia trusted her enough to grieve openly in front of her. If that didn't deserve her own trust, nothing did.

Once the paper is out of her hands, folded up and tucked safely away, it's as if a great weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She sighs softly, slumping back in her seat, and squeezes Amelia's hands in gratitude. "Thank you. Even when I first had that drawing, I didn't want to hope. And now, after everything that's happened... it's better if it's out of my possession."

"Of course. I want to help any way I can." The physical ask is nothing for Amelia, but that's not the point in this. Adia wants the emotional support of not having to carry the heavy weight of what's felt like a futile hope. And if that's not something the rogue understands all too well, then she doesn't know anything about the multiverse.

Exhaling a silent breath, she gives Adia's hands another squeeze and then fixes the woman with a concerned look. "What will you do after this?" she asks softly. "Will you go back to your ship? Or do you want to stay here a little longer?" If Adia wants to hide until she feels she can face what waits for her on her world, then the rogue will happily help her to do so. Coffee, ice cream, wine - whatever Adia wants, Amelia can provide.

Although the offer of help is left unvoiced, she senses it all the same and smiles softly, giving the rogue's hand another grateful squeeze. After a thoughtful pause, she finally replies to her friend's questions. "I'm going to the library. I, um... I think it's time I told someone in the Fleet about the Nexus. Someone who can use this place to make a difference. But I want to do some research first. I'd like to have as much information as I can before I spring this on someone else."

It's not going to be easy. Years of keeping the Nexus a secret from everyone will be a tough habit to break. But now that Adia has made peace with the lack of a livable Earth in her universe, she needs to think about what she can do to help.

Her Fleet needs all the help it can get.

At the mention of the library, Bucky grumbles and ruffles his feathers. He had been silent all this time, watching Amelia with slowly decreasing suspicion until he was more or less feeling neutral about her presence. But he does not like the library. It's too much of a maze to fly in and he hates getting shushed. "Ary," he complains. Can't they walk around a little first?

Adia laughs a little and reaches up to smooth out Bucky's feathers. "Would you like to walk with me there?" she asks Amelia. She's in no hurry to part ways with her friends, feathered or not.

The corner of her lips tug up into a smirk. "The library is one of my favorite places," she says slowly. "I think I could manage a walk over there with you." And offer her company further, if that's what Adia wants. It's easy enough to be a silent, but present, companion, if that's what her friend needs right now.

Being mindful of the large feathered creature, Amelia gets to her feet, still holding onto Adia's hand unless the other woman pulls away. This physical comfort thing may be difficult for her, but this isn't about her right now. This about Adia and what she needs. So, if her friend wants to hold her hand? The rogue will keep holding onto it. "Would you like a direct path over there? Or would it be all right if we take a detour through a the park and gardens next to the library? Some of the late summer flowers and fauna are spectacular."

"Mine, too," Adia replies, her smile softer at the edges. It's been a true refuge in the sometimes unreliable safety of the Nexus at large. If only there was a free coffee machine within the building itself, then she'd never need to leave.

Rising when her friend does, she gently withdraws her hand once she's standing, but stays companionably close. Amelia has already done so much for her by taking the drawing off her hands. She deserves to return to her comfort zone.

"I'd like that," she says with a small smile. "The detour, I mean." She'd never turn down a chance to see nature, even cultivated into a garden. Bucky seems amenable to the idea, too. It'll give him a chance to stretch his wings.

Amelia can't quite help the way her muscles relax or her posture returns to its usual proud state when Adia lets go of her hand. She's so unsure of reaching out to someone like that and every time she does it, she feels like she must be doing it wrong. Having her hand back, and with no contact with anyone, again, the rogue can carry herself without any worries. It feels good, even if some small part of her feels bad for being this way with someone who obviously cares for and respects her the way Adia does.

"It's beautiful, and feels very remote from the rest of the Nexus despite being next to the library. I'm not sure many people realize it's there." And, even better, the flowering trees are in full bloom this time of year, making it the most relaxing place Amelia can think of in the whole of the Nexus. It seems like Adia could use that right now.

Smiling back at her friend, she leads them away from Plaza in the general direction of the library. As the tall, familiar building comes into view, she turns from the paved road leading up to its doors down a small path beneath a tall willow tree that's slightly obscured by chest-high grasses. The path itself isn't quite wide enough for them to walk side-by-side, so Amelia steps forward to lead them. As they get farther in, the grass reaches over their heads, completely obscuring their view of what's ahead as the path winds about aimlessly. Finally, it opens out into a Japanese style garden, with not a single other soul in sight.

Once she's made it out from the path, Amelia steps aside to let Adia enjoy the view. She doesn't speak or ask the other woman's opinion, instead allowing Adia to take it all in at her own pace. This is a detour, after all, and such things should never be rushed.

If Adia notices the other woman returning to a more comfortable stance, she doesn't seem to mind. Her own posture is improved over the unhappy slump she had been in earlier. But there is still something fragile about the way she moves, like someone who has spent too long on a ship trying to lose her sea legs. Grief for a lost planet has taken a toll on her.

As they make their way towards the hidden garden, Bucky takes to the sky, circling overhead, ever vigilant to what might lie ahead. Adia looks up at him occasionally, comforted by his presence, even as she implicitly trusts Amelia to guide her without fail. The wind makes a pleasant whisper through the tall grass, and for a moment Adia is struck by a strange feeling of deja vu. But she has never been to this part of the Nexus, never strayed from the path leading to the library. Why should this be familiar at all?

But then, when she reaches the garden, with its carefully sculpted splendor, that warm familiarity disappears, replaced with pure wonder. "It's beautiful," she whispers, taking it all in. She can't help but wonder who created the garden, who now tends to its manicured lawns and artful arrangements of plants. These questions are a welcome change from her own plaguing troubles. "I don't think I've ever seen anything like it..."

A bright smile pulls across the rogue's lips as she watches Adia take in the sight of the gardens. It's much like her own first reaction of the place was: Full of wonder and awe at how a place so beautiful could be so perfectly hidden from the rest of the Nexus. It makes one ponder how many other places like this might exist in this place between worlds.

"Nor have I," Amelia admits, taking a step closer to her friend. "I didn't even mean to find it when I did. You can't see it from even the highest windows of the library, but apparently stumbling home, utterly exhausted and with your nose in a book, will lead you to interesting places when you step outside the walls of the place." She chuckles softly at the memory, not feeling ashamed at all to admit this to her friend. It was completely worth it to find this peaceful place, and even more so to share it with Adia when she needs something like this the most.

"Now you can come here anytime you'd like. There's plenty of quiet spaces to read and because it's so hidden, very few other people ever come here." For those who enjoy solitude, it's the best find in the Nexus. "Of course if you'd like company, you only need to text me and I'll be here."

Amelia's explanation earns her a quiet laugh in return. "I've done the same thing a few times," she admits. "I'm glad you ended up here..."

The garden may not be visible from the library, but Bucky's bird-eye view spots it easily enough. He swoops down in slow circles and lands on the railing of a wooden bridge not too far from where Adia is standing. He takes a critical look around, but finds nothing to concern himself over.

It's a dream come true for an introvert like her, a beautiful outdoor space she can retreat to when the pressures of being social are too much. "Thank you for sharing this with me," she says, looking up at her friend and giving her a warm smile. "And offering your company." It's an offer she won't abuse, although she supposes that Amelia wouldn't be opposed to a quiet afternoon of reading together, followed by a stroll through the gardens.

"I wish I already had something to read. I hope I can check out the books I need."

Edited 2017-10-18 15:30 (UTC)

"Me too," she admits. "I love coming here when I feel the need to get away from it all." True, there are many spots the rogue can get to that allow her to be alone, but this is the only one that feels truly isolated and insulated from the remainder of the Nexus.

She gives Bucky an acknowledging nod before turning back to Adia. "Maybe we can take a little stroll to find the perfect reading spot and then head into the library to find a book or two to read?" she asks. "If you'd like to be left alone, I can also find another place to read and leave this place to you. Your first visit should be exactly as you want it to be."

Places this beautiful deserve to be enjoyed in the way that makes the most sense for the first time visitor. If Adia wants quiet alone time, then she'll have it. Amelia wants her friend to feel better, which means taking queues from her rather than making a decision on her behalf.

"Oh," she says, ready to agree with whatever suggestion Amelia makes first. She was so kind to share this secluded place with her.

But it has been a long afternoon in the Plaza, talking to others about her problems, and though she knows the rogue would be perfectly happy to stroll in silence, Adia needs some time to think to herself. It was torture, before, being alone with her thoughts, especially those of Caspar and a future that couldn't exist. Now, with that drawing safely in Amelia's possession and a slowly growing idea of how she might use the Nexus to save her people, she needs time alone to think and plan.

"I think I'd prefer to be alone, if that's all right? I need to think about what I'm going to do before I start looking up anything at the library." She only worries a little that she's being rude for turning down company. Amelia has made it clear that she understands.

"Brave," Bucky announces. Adia gives the bird a fond look.

"Not completely alone, I suppose." She couldn't shoo him away, even if she wanted to.

Can't hurt someone's feelings about a suggestion if they're the one who made it. Amelia nods in answer to the question and then huffs a small laugh when Bucky speaks up about Adia being left alone. "I understand completely, and I wouldn't want to be the third..." She pauses for a half second, frowns, and then gives a half-hearted shrug. "...something. I'm sure you know what I mean." At least that's the hope. Modern turns of phrase still aren't really Amelia's forte.

"I'll leave you to this beautiful place and a book or two. And if you need me, you know how to reach me." She smiles softly at her friend, offers Bucky a respectful nod, and then turns to head up the small hill back to the path out of the garden. "Good luck, Adia," she calls over her shoulder as she reaches the small opening in the tall grasses. "I'm sure you'll find your hope when you least expect it."

As far as Adia is concerned, she can never be too careful with other people's feelings. "Wheel," she fills in helpfully, with a small smile. "And you wouldn't be. Once Bucky gets it in his head to keep an eye on me, it's impossible to send him back home, unless I text Steve." Truthfully, having Bucky as a silent sentinel is better for her nerves than not. She doesn't have to worry about not giving him attention, he'll keep his post regardless.

"Thank you," she says again, returning her friend's warm look. Amelia should be proud of herself, she's helped her so much. She would have likely kept staring at that drawing for who knows how long, sinking ever further into despair. Now she has her resolve back, and a quiet place to work out what she was going to do with it.

Bucky returns the rogue's nod with one of his own. Her kindness has not gone unnoticed by the large bird. Adia waves goodbye, mulling over the rogue's final words as she takes another look around, deciding which path to travel first.

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A reminder to not count your Earths before they've hatched.

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Have a pretty picture of a place I've been! :D

it's so beautiful! Where is it?

Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens :3

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