nexus_crossings | +1 Cylon to the Nexus

+1 Cylon to the Nexus

There is a man standing near the vending machines in the Plaza, dressed in a well-tailored, peacock blue suit. He looks like he could get you an excellent rate on your second mortgage, but you'd be wise to double-check the fine print before you sign anything. As he fixes himself a cup of coffee, he glances periodically at the people who pass by, his expression perfectly neutral. Although the more astute might pick up on the way he tugs at the cuffs of his sleeves impatiently, as if wishing he were somewhere else.

Finally, he sighs. "Okay. Listen up. Adia asked me to come here because she thought it'd be good for me to make some friends, so if you see her, you can tell her that we chatted and save yourself the actual trouble. All right? I'm sure we're all very busy people."

He takes a sip from his to-go cup and grimaces. "On second thought, can anyone tell me where I can get a decent coffee around here? I can't believe she's been drinking this stuff for the past three years.."

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"Planned it out down to every gory detail. That was the only thing keeping me alive for a while. Planning it out. Building the props. Making sure everything was perfect. I told myself it was for revenge, getting them back for hurting my sisters. For them dying."

Josh sips at his coffee and keeps that thousand yard stare going out the window.

"That was a fat load of shit. I hurt the two people who had nothing to do with it the most, because I knew they'd be hurt if I died. I had to make sure they'd never miss me. Make them hate me, curse me. I could be the villain if it meant they'd suffer less in the long run."

He's not there on the mountain anymore. Josh blinks and seems startled for just a second that he's sitting in the cafe. Slides and uneasy glance toward Caspar.

"It doesn't work. No matter how hard you try. It doesn't work."

The mention of the dead sisters gets a brief eyebrow raise, but otherwise Caspar doesn't bother trying to express any sympathy. It's not like Josh will notice; the man is in his own little world, the same faraway stare in his eyes that Caspar gets when he dwells too much on the past. When he mentally projects himself somewhere else.

"Revenge makes people do crazy shit," he says, once Josh is looking at him. He takes a small sip of coffee. Swallows. "So long as you don't try any of that with Adia, I'm not going to judge you."

It's about as close as Caspar will admit that he understands the pain Josh is going through. "Did you get a chance to apologize?" he asks. "Or do they all think you're still dead?"

"Not intending to do any of that shit to anyone again."

He wants to say don't worry, but Sam didn't deserve any of that shit either. Neither did Chris. The two most important people in his life yet and he just. Ruined them. All because he was tired of living. It doesn't matter what his intentions were, he hurt them in ways they'll never recover from.

What's to say he wouldn't do the same to Adia some day?

"I got to see Chris again, for a little while. Apologized to him. My best friend. The others...I'm dead to them I assume. They got rescued, Chris said. When dawn came. I was stuck in the mines. Alone. No one came for me, I was starving. Who knows what woulda happened if I hadn't ended up here."

As much as he'd like to get Adia's safety on lockdown, he knows that Josh can only promise him so much. The fact that he's willingly telling him all this is a point in his favor.

He listens to Josh's answer. Takes another sip of coffee. When he finally speaks, it's quiet, and he's looking away. "I was on Galactica during the final battle. Only a few of us went, the rest were Centurions. I wanted something mindless to do, so I marched on board with the rest of them." His jaw twitches. "I got shot immediately. I spent the rest of the fight bleeding out behind a stack of barrels. And the whole time, all I could think was... finally. But then Galactica jumped to Earth, and a Six found me and patched me up. The first thing I asked, when I realized the Cylons weren't going to kill me, was if Adia had survived. If she hadn't..."

If she hadn't, he had a razor stolen from a nurse hidden underneath his mattress.

He lets out a slow breath, then swings his sober gaze up to Josh. "I don't live for myself. I live for her. But it keeps me going. You have anyone like that in the Nexus, or are your friends enough?"

Josh snorts none too subtly, face dripping with self loathing. Caspar has a reason to live and Josh isn't going to fault him for it. But not every monster has someone waiting to try and tame them.

In a lot of ways, Adia is lucky Caspar is so devoted to her. Her task would be insurmountable otherwise.

"No one. I don't know why I'm around anymore. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hoping I'll find an answer sometime. All I know is, I don't wanna hurt anyone else like I did before."

"All right," he says, sounding mildly irritated. "I'm pretty sure Adia would be heartbroken if you offed yourself, so don't." Just because he's empathetic to Josh's attitude doesn't mean he has time for pity parties. "And from the way she talks, over half the Nexus is tripping over themselves to help out people like us. You've got a job here, right? It could be worse."

Caspar Millen, master of the pep talk.

"...Says the guy who was begging me to rip into him half an hour ago." Josh rolls his eyes and points right back at Caspar over his cup of iced coffee.

"I think I get one, after that. I get it. You don't need my baggage anymore than I need yours. And we're both fantastically sarcastic assholes. Who somehow, Adia likes. You decidedly more than me. Which is how it oughta be. So get yer robo-panties out of a bunch and enjoy your damn coffee. You're makinig friends, just like she wants you to."

Sip.

Josh's little speech gets an unreadable, unblinking stare for a solid five seconds.

Then he shakes his head and laughs.

"It takes a special kind of person to see past our particular brand of garbage, doesn't it? I wasn't asking about the coffee for myself, by the way. I want to know where to take her from now on. It is good coffee, though, so thanks for that."

He takes a sip to demonstrate. When he sets the cup back down, his expression has turned a shade pensive.

"She sees the way the humans in the settlement look at me. I don't personally give a frak, but I know it bothers her, that no one's giving me a second chance. That's why she asked me to come here. I don't think she really believes me when I tell her that she's all I need."

"Maybe that's all you need, but it's a different story for her. Humans are social creatures, bro. Filling aaaaaaaaaallll your physical and emotional needs by herself is too much for anydamn one person. Plus if she has to listen to you snark and bitch about people and things she likes all day, it wears on a gal."

Josh shrugs either way. Adia's stronger than she looks.

"If you won't make a goddamn friend for yourself, do it for her. Having a bit of time to herself and you unloading some of your shit on someone else for five minutes is good for her too."

"Excuse you, I don't snark and bitch to her about the things she likes." He straightens the knot of his tie irritably. "I don't begrudge her for having friends, either. That's not what this is about."

He picks up his coffee cup, then sets it down again without taking another sip.

"And stop calling me 'bro'. I'm not your bro. You don't hate me? Great. How about we leave it at that."

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+1 Cylon to the Nexus

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