Language LOL: Translator Malfunction

[rumham]

You know what's cool? Chatting with your pals. Reading the Internet. Navigating the roads because you can understand the Gods-damned street signs. You know what's not cool? Not being able to do any of that. By that metric, one might describe today in the Nexus decidedly uncool.

It's utterly without warning that the multiversal hub goes from automatic to manual translation. Shop signs, radio and television broadcasts, conversations on the streets between vendors and friends and businesspeople are suddenly a jarring cacophony of dissonant languages. Then there's the silence. Then there's the shouting. Turns out people get pissed off when nobody understands them!

Momentary chaos dies down as the average people of the Nexus come to grips with their new situation. Shopkeepers wait outside their stores and stands with expectant expressions, impatiently waiting for the translator to pull itself together and start working again.

Except...

It sort of doesn't.

No, it super doesn't.

Citizens of the Nexus, it would appear you're going to have to adjust...

((The temporary LANGUAGE LOL is now underway! It's freeform fun until you're done and participation is completely optional. Don't feel like this event should stop you from making threads which are unaffected by the LOL in the mean time. If you want your Language LOL'd character to interact with a non-LOL thread, please ask the OP if they want to play that dynamic first. For the OOC and organization post, GO HERE. ))

Comments

[fiveofnone]

Caspar blinks at the familiar word, then bursts into genuine laughter. "Frak!" he agrees, his mouth splitting into an amused grin. "Αυτό το γαμημένο χάλια δεν το κάνει? Στάση Nexus." Yeah, this really, truly sucks.

"Caspar!" Adia says again, displeased this time with the Cylon's language instead of his sentiment. She pulls out a notebook and pen from her messenger bag and scribbles something down, then crosses it out and draws something instead. Her artwork is simple -- she's gotten decent at sketching microscopic creatures, plants, and some of the wildlife on Atlantis, but she doesn't have time to try to make anything other than stick figures. These stick figures are also sharing a word bubble, smiles on their faces. Suddenly, in the next drawing, there is a big x through the word bubble and everyone looks mad!

Adia draws a question mark, and an arrow towards the crossed out word bubble, then up at Harrowheart. Does he know why the translator stopped working?

[westfallcorndog]

Caspar's laughter is genuine and not at Harrow's expense, so he can't help laughing back. They've rediscovered common ground through salty language. This is what it's all about! Adia has to go and be a stick in the mud about it, but Harrow doesn't lose his smile.

When Harrow gets the drawing he immediately nods. She's drawn the situation pretty succinctly. But when she draws the question mark and looks at him expectantly he's momentarily confused. He scoff-laughs and points to himself, and with an incredulous look on his face says something in Space Swede that can only possibly mean, You think I, a dumbass, know what's going on here? He laughs again and shakes his head.

The shaking slowly draws his attention back to the art. Wait. Wait, there's writing there! He snatches up the paper and brings it close to his face to squint at what's been written. He knows those characters, but not those words! Still, he can try to read them, right?

"Doe yow k'nove vhat hap-pen-ned toe the Nexoose tr..." He clears is throat. This is a long foreign word here. "Tran...slaughter?"

He raises his eyebrows at Adia. He can read it! But he... Can't read it. Here, give him that writing implement, let him try. In a free space on the paper he writes Können Sie dies lesen?

What incredibly neat handwriting. It doesn't fit his personality. It's more like he learned to write by copying printed text, serifs and all.

[fiveofnone]

Well, that's a pity. She was hoping that he'd know something she didn't. She's about to draw another picture, some visualization to ask what they should do about it, if anything, when he snatches the notebook out of her hands so he can properly read the words she had drawn a line through.

Can he read it? No... no, he can't. He's phonetically sounding it out, though. And oh, he's writing something back! It's the same alphabet, but in a different language. She taps the words, then looks at him curiously. Where did he learn this?

Caspar takes a look, too, then sighs. This only superficially feels like progress. It'd take too long to learn one another's written language. Not for him, but for the death knight, especially as it's not likely his native language, either.

But it's the only shot they have so far. It's his turn to grab the notebook and jot down his own thoughts on the subject. He gestures all around him, then writes the word Nexus. Then he points to himself and writes, Caspar. Then to Adia. Adia. Following so far, Harrowheart?

[westfallcorndog]

At Adia's question Harrowheart puts his fingers to his lips before drawing them away and opening his hand. "Deutsche," he says, then repeats again, "Deutsche. Von Isidorrë und Viatorrus. Von der Erde." He points to his shirt, which is plain white today, and draws a rectangular box. Der Erde!

Caspar's basic lesson in letters gets a roll of the eyes and a nod. Yes, he understands that. He's not an amnesiac. He takes the pen and writes his own name then, once in a language that looks like a mix of Korean and Thai, and again in the Earth characters. Skodaskilde.

Like fucking duh he's Sködaskilde, it's only what you've been calling him since the minute you met.

[fiveofnone]

The names she recognizes immediately. But why aren't the Durants teaching Harrowheart English? Isn't that what they speak?

A cold fear washes over her, the anxiety of assuming the wrong thing about someone. What if they've been speaking this... this Deutsche the entire time? She takes the notebook and pen from Caspar and draws a picture of the Earth. "Erde?" she repeats. If there's at least one word other than frak they can both understand, it should be this one.

Caspar does not appreciate the eye roll. He's trying to be helpful, Hayseed McGee. He scans the foreign language thoughtfully, then stares blankly at the word in the letters he can actually read. "Skodaskilde?" he repeats skeptically.

Time for another lesson. Couch he writes, then points to the piece of furniture that Harrowheart had been standing on. What else is useful around here? Computer. He gestures to one of the Nexus terminals. Okay, so not currently useful, but it's an important word to him.

He remembers the eye roll and smirks faintly. He points to Harrowheart again and writes My other car is a tractor. Then he hands the notebook over. Go ahead and read that, big guy.

[westfallcorndog]

"Couch, Computer, ja, ja, ja," Harrowheart complains. He goes on to grunt out some kind of "Burda-bilde-barde-bjørn," or whatever it is he speaks in that bullshit language of his. Now he's getting frustrated. Caspar is just saying things and it amounts to nothing. He has to turn away from the two of them so that he can rub his temples and get himself out of an angry mindset.

When he turns around again he sees that Caspar has written something else for him. He sighs and nods and takes the notebook so that he can read it. "Me... Other car... issa tractor."

He's just... Falling for it. He doesn't even know! ADIA, STOP THIS CARNAGE!

[fiveofnone]

The death knight's negative attitude only makes his falling for Caspar's prank all the more delicious. But the Cylon's satisfaction is short-lived, as Adia immediately berates him in that fake draenei language. This time, Caspar doesn't immediately apologize, but argues back with an annoyed gesture towards Harrowheart. He started it! Eye rolling! Attitude! Caspar's only trying to help here!

The alien goat bickering goes on for another minute before Adia sighs and says something very serious while looking directly into Caspar's eyes. He blushes a magnificent red, glances briefly the death knight's way, then crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. Fine. Fine. He'll behave.

Then Adia turns to look at Harrowheart, but her serious expression has not abated. He is not being let off the hook for his poor behavior, either.

She breaks eye contact to draw another comic. First there is a stick figure man with slight frown on his face and dark hair. She points at Caspar once then continues to draw. This man is listening to some people talk, but the word bubble is surrounded by question marks. Then she draws a clock to show that time is passing. Now, the man is smiling, and the word bubble has a check mark next to it. She shows Harrowheart the drawing, then puts the pen into his hand and points to his mouth. Does he get it? Caspar will learn his language if he keeps talking and writing it down.

Please try, stupid stubborn boys. She loves you both, but she is not dealing with any more nonsense.

[westfallcorndog]

Watching Adia and Caspar fight is at first a surprise. Harrow's eyebrows rise and he looks away out of politeness... But it's not long before curiosity gets the best of him and he peeks back just in time to see Caspar's face go red. Harrow doesn't know what Adia said, but he has a strong idea. Without meaning to his lips twitch with a smile which disappears in an instant when Adia levels him with a Look of his own. Oops.

Now that he's been silently reprimanded by a woman he's on better behavior. He watches dutifully as Adia puts her ideas to paper, but he doesn't get it right away. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth shifts side to side as he thinks about what she's presenting him. Caspar is an asshole, but give him time and he's nice? Possibly true, but not the issue at hand.

And then it hits him. "Oh!" He slaps his forehead and smiles likes it's all so obvious. Gesturing to Caspar he says, "Computer!" Of course Caspar will be able to learn his language! The benefits of being an android.

Harrow nods knowingly and clears his throat. It's a good thing he's learned languages before, and with the Durants had experience teaching his own as well. He starts with the most important parts of speech: subjects. With a grand sweep of his hands he gestures to Adia, Caspar, and himself. "Lo'um." We, us. To himself alone, "Lo." To Caspar and Adia at once, "Varum." To each of them separately, "Varë." Plural and singular You. To a group of strangers, "Ergum," and to one sad, confused individual spinning in circles a few yards off, "Ergë." He repeats the whole mess once more, this time also attempting to spell it all in the Earth characters the others know. When he's through he looks at Caspar expectantly. Has your machine brain absorbed the knowledge, roboman?"

[fiveofnone]

She wouldn't disagree with his first assumption, but it's a relief when he seems to get what she's saying. Er, drawing. "Δόξα τω θεώ," she exhales, her expression brightening considerably. She looks at Caspar hopefully, but he's already caught on, having Harrowheart shout computer at him, and thanks for that, buddy.

At least he didn't call him a toaster.

The lesson begins, and while both of them are paying close attention, Caspar does not have that initial look of confusion that many people get when confronted with a language they don't know. The words go straight to his memory, and though he doesn't need to, he repeats them all with the appropriate finger pointing to show that he knows them. Their written form helps, too, further cementing their meaning.

While Adia softly repeats the words to herself, her pointing a little more uncertain. (Why is that poor person spinning in circles over there? Should she check it out?) Caspar, meanwhile, gestures impatiently with one hand. C'mon, next lesson. He's ready.

[westfallcorndog]

Caspar has a great and awesome power. Encouraged by the readiness with which Caspar absorbs the information Harrowheart dives right back in. He gets busy drawing some kind of three-column chart, above which he draws three circles. After checking the time on his phone he attempts to draw the hands of a clock in the middle circle, but he fucks it up right off the bat and has to try again. Soon he's got three clocks displaying a time slightly earlier than the present, the present, and the future.

For the present he writes "-IS." The past is "-NES." The future is "-VAS." He rewrites all of the pronouns, circles them as one, and writes an arrow to every verb suffix. It seems there's no declension of verbs at all in his language! That should make learning easy.

"Maj," Harrowheart says, and with it comes a gesture to indicate words from his mouth. To speak. "Majis lo." I speak. He points to his ears, then to Caspar. "Kelthis varë." You listen. The subject comes after the verb. But now he needs to work objects into the grammar. Hmm...

Ah! Yes! He jiggles the pen and introduces it as "Hamerung." He sets it down on the book, then as he grabs it announces, "Rejis. Hamerung rejis lo."

He sets down the pen and with a too-eager expression waits for Caspar to repeat him. Say it, Caspar. Say it. 8]

[fiveofnone]

Caspar watches him draw the columns impatiently. Yes, past, present, and future, he gets it, Harrowheart, you don't have to make the clocks chronologically accurate.

The object-verb-subject order is unlike any language he's familiar with, so it takes him a little longer to grasp than the tenses, but once the syntax is understood, the rest flows without trouble. He picks up the pen, but pauses just a moment before speaking. Something about Harrowheart's expression is setting off alarm bells, but he isn't going to learn proper pronunciation unless he speaks the damn words, so he clears his throat and replies impeccably, "Hamerung rejis lo."

"Hamerung rejis lo?" Adia pipes up. She's been following along as best she can.

Caspar hands her the pen.

[westfallcorndog]

Narrator Voice: Adia had just repeated Harrowheart's phrase perfectly. But unbeknownst to her, it did not mean 'Give me the pen,' but rather, 'I eat penis.' This might explain why Harrowheart's face twists as if he'd just eaten a lemon while simultaneously hearing a hilarious joke.

"Great work, Adia," he tells her in Common as he flashes a thumbs up. "G... Great work."

He returns his attention to Caspar and continues with lessons on verbs. Those are the most important words for constructing a basic sentence -- concepts which can't be pointed to.

After Caspar has learned a healthy chunk of Common Harrowheart stops his lesson and looks around. What comes next? He's teaching Caspar his words, but to what end? It's not as if they can fix the translator -- Hell, Harrowheart doesn't even know what or where it is!

"What do we do now, Caspar?" he asks, tapping his wrist as if to indicate a watch. Now. The present moment.

[fiveofnone]

At some indefinite point in the future -- sooner, rather than later, considering how quickly Caspar is picking up Common -- the two non-Azerothians will learn what that phrase actually means. And Adia will laugh and laugh and laugh because it doesn't matter to her that she was caught in the linguistic crossfire, Caspar totally deserved that for the tractor comment

And Caspar will imagine what it's like to wring the neck of a death knight.

But for now, Adia merely smiles innocently, understanding the gesture of approval, but not the words. Caspar gives him a cool, appraising look, but otherwise does not comment, because the language lesson is continuing. He picks up on the verbs easily enough, and by the time they're done, he's not bothering to draw anything with the 'hamerung' at all. He doesn't need the clarification.

The question elicits a fluid shrug. "I don't know," he replies in Common, with only the faintest of accents. Learning Common was a decent enough way to pass the time, but it hasn't solved anything. He glances over at Adia, who says something to him in their native tongue.

"We will stay a little longer. To think about μεταφράστης -- ah, language problem. But we have to go soon. You can go, too." A brief flash of teeth in what probably counts as a smile. "Thank you for the lesson."

[westfallcorndog]

Harrowheart nods. Enunciating as clearly as he can he says, "You and Adia are smart. You will think of an answer to the problem, I am confident. If you need help, find Viatorus. He speaks Common."

Caspar gets a handshake as a parting gift, and Adia gets a quick hug and a pat on the back. It must be harder for her, being able to watch Caspar speak so easily while she has to learn as slowly as everyone else.

He gets a few yards away before something he remembers makes him laugh. Oh, Caspar. If only he were going to be around to see Viatorus' face when the inevitable happens.