The Most Unconventional Of Therapies.

[lovesuwithknives]

Looking for Azwel? Does he owe you ten bucks? Have you got questions you need to ask him, like What was the 1500s like, or Hey, what's up with the gauntlets? or even just WHY?! he can be found in any number of places.

Maybe he's at the Crossroads Cafe, having a bite to eat on the off chance he remembers food is a thing he needs to put in his face once in a while.

Maybe he's wandering the Plaza, checking out everyone's booths and shops.

Maybe he's out in a wide open space, training his pokemon. Or training on his own, creating a blue-and-red light show of weapons made of energy whirling through the air.

Maybe he's in the library, reading whatever caught his eye that day.

Something's in the air, some kind of anticipation, and Azwel has grown restless, so he's working that out of his system in his own unconventional manner. And while his energy is nearly indefatigable even he needs a rest now and again. That's why, eventually he's sat on one of the Plaza's many sofas at some point.

He has a thoughtful look on his face for several beats before he speaks:

"I must admit to some obliviousness, but I've noticed a general feeling of heightened emotion around this time of year, completely different to what I've seen before. Is it typical?

Also, does anyone else have a restless feeling, like something's on the horizon but you don't know what it is?"

((OOC: Feel free to hit any of the prompts for some non-question-related stuff if you like!))

Comments

[coldsong]

Well, quiet is appropriate in a library! He echoes the greeting vaguely, settling in and selecting a book, but the second glance and the question that follows keep him from opening it.

He presses his lips together in a thin line. Opening up does not end well for him, apparently, no matter where he goes. But then, neither does snarling demanding concerned individuals back off, so he rolls the dice mentally, sets the book down, and rests his elbows on his knees.

"I've been better, I suppose. Suffering a minor identity crisis, perhaps. Nothing I haven't been through before." His smile is weak, but it's there. Somewhere deep down he appreciates the kindness, whether he'll admit it or not.

[lovesuwithknives]

"Oh, that is unfortunate," Azwel murmurs. He hasn't spoken on the subject with any of the people who mistrust Loki, so he has no reason to doubt the veracity or genuineness of the statement. He simply takes it at face value. "Those are among the thorniest of existential difficulties, I've found. For does a man ever truly know who he is?"

[coldsong]

The shift of Loki's expression is almost comical here, as if the perspective Azwel comes out with is utterly foreign. Maybe he's a little self-centered, but he hadn't really considered other people going through similar experiences.

Well. There probably aren't many Frost Giants raised as Asgardians out there, aside from his alternates, but the principle holds true, perhaps.

"You know," he says mildly, "I don't know. Does he?"

[lovesuwithknives]

A grin flickers across Azwel's features. "I can't say for anyone else, but I've found who I am has changed considerably more than once."

Pffff. Somewhere in time and space, the Doctor rolls thirteen pairs of eyes.

"While I expect such a thing is typical for people who've come here, it's likely to strike some more deeply than others."

[coldsong]

"I suppose I ought to be more comfortable with that," he says. "It's galls me because of my history, perhaps. I had a nasty surprise about my true heritage not long ago in the grand scheme of things. Some certainty would be nice."

"I'm over a thousand years old," he adds. "I'm used to change, but it's somewhat disruptive when it happens so quickly."

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel's eyes glitter as he listens. He's bent his entire concentration on what Loki is saying, his mind turning in its usual too-fast rings and gears, like a hypercomplex device smoothly ticking away at an unnatural speed.

"There's a trite old aphorism that the only certainty there is in life is its uncertainty. I don't hold with that, myself. There are things one can take as stable facts. And when those facts are proved wrong or in some way contradicted, one needs a solidly-understood answer as to why that is so. If I say the sun comes up in the east or that when I drop something it falls to the ground, I would need a very concrete reason for why it does not. Where that falls apart, it seems, is in less coldly demonstrable certainties. Finding out one's ancestors are not who one has lived one's life believing they are can strike to the core of a man. Of any hu--" he catches himself. "Of any sapient being. But those are my thoughts. I wish to know what yours are."

[coldsong]

Loki has really only seen this man drunk before now, or otherwise in casual celebration. This is an interesting difference in attitude and speed of thought, and curiosity about the man himself is a good diversion from his own melancholy. He blinks green eyes slowly at the speech, hums to himself and leans forward so both elbows rest on his knees.

"I thought the saying was the only certainty is death and taxes...but perhaps that's from another time period or another world."

"You seem to be suggesting a revelation such as I had might distort not just a man's sense of self but his sense of reality." Which isn't unfair, really. Had Loki found out he was an adopted peasant from Vanaheim, he'd have been upset but not devastated. Finding out you're an entirely different species is a little mind-bending.

"I think...my behavior bears out that conclusion. I certainly did not know who to trust at the time. Everything that came after more or less stems from that shock. One mistake leading to a fall too precipitous to belay."

[lovesuwithknives]

Surprise! Here's one person who has not gotten the Loki-lecture from any of the Avengers or Avenger-adjacent people, so he literally and legitimately has no idea what's being referred to.

"What behaviour would that be, though? Clearly something that happened before you came here?"

[coldsong]

"Oh...Norns, what a long story." He takes a deep breath and his head hangs a little.

"I never knew I was adopted. I had parents and a brother--Thor, if you've met him--of the race of Asgard, the Aesir. And I was restless and jealous of Thor, I admit, but I never wished him ill. I only wanted, as I'm sure most siblings do, a fair share of the affection directed at him. He is difficult to compete with."

His smile is briefly wistful, then fades entirely. "We were raised with our father's stories of glorious battle, against the Jotun. Frost Giants. Beings of cold and darkness, utterly savage, thieves and destroyers and hardly more than beasts. Our father had won a great war with them, but Thor always wanted to be like him. He swore he would finish what Odin started some day, and slay the monsters for good."

"And then we grew up, and Thor was on the cusp of becoming the King of Asgard, and I discovered that was not only adopted, but not even the same species as my family. During the Jotun war, my father had found me as an infant, left out in the open to die, presumably. Brought me home, concealed the truth from me, even hid the shape and color of my body, and I never knew, for over a thousand years. I never even guessed."

"It was a clever political move; he hoped to unite Asgard and Jotunheim some day, but he...no one ever bothered to depict the Jotun as anything other than cruel, cunning beasts. What was I to think when I found out the truth? I still struggle to understand how they failed to consider that."

"I thought Thor would kill me. As he used to say he would, before he knew anything about war or death or Frost Giants. I know now that I did him an injustice. Had we actually ever spoken about it, had everything not all happened at once, it would have been different. But I thought I had to defeat him before he did the same to me, and between that and the shock, I had some sort of break with reality. I thought by destroying Jotunheim, I could somehow make myself not be what I am."

"That was unquestionably overkill."

[lovesuwithknives]

He has Azwel's full and complete attention, but it's not the typical entranced reaction--no, this man's curiosity simply builds and builds upon itself. Azwel is one who will never be satisfied with what he's learnt, who will always want more. Need more.

As the story progresses, as his mind processes and extrapolates and imagines, emotions play across his face. Really, he's the perfect audience, reacting with the broad unfilteredness of an empath who's chosen long ago not to bother hiding said reactions.

"Overkill it may be," he says, "but what else could one do with such a revelation? Shrug and move on with life? Oh, no, it is clear you've been dealt a grave injustice," he continues earnestly. "And while attempting to destroy an entire realm would have drastic repercussions, they must be laid, at least in part, at the feet of one such as Odin, who lacked such consideration for the individual, who thought only of the surface concerns."

He knows little about the Old Norse, but it's something he's definitely going to research, now.

[coldsong]

Okay.

Okay, this is unexpected. Literally no one has ever taken Loki's side in this. No one other than Thor has ever offered him an apology for his hurt, even, and when he did so, it was before he actually knew what was happening, a desperate "I don't know why you're doing this, but whatever I did, I'm sorry--please don't kill my friends!" Which he accepted, in his own way, but it was more of a grasping at straws than an attempt to reach out. Or so Loki thought at the time.

(But Mjölnir thought differently, didn't it? Was it Thor's willingness to self-sacrifice that won his hammer back, or an honest attempt to reach out to an enemy and make peace?)

What Frigga and Odin may have said to one another regarding Loki behind closed doors, he will never know. And thus far his attempts to explain himself have been met with derision, accusations of insanity or melodrama and overreaction, and one 'I believe you' which he has no idea how to react to. Never once has any one indicated his breakdown might not be entirely Loki's own fault.

He looks at Azwel blankly for a long moment, genuinely trying to parse whether this is real empathy or some kind of mockery. Possibly the man is not entirely sane, himself. And yet, he seems genuine, and Loki's past experience with him suggests he is not particularly prone to mindgames.

"...no one's ever said that to me before," he says, and can't help but sound a little forlorn in the saying. He clears his throat after, pulling his dignity back together a bit, and adds, "Mind you, it does get worse. I fell in with a bad crowd after that, so to speak. Which I'm sure still does nothing to justify my actions to the victims of them, but..."

Shrug. He's leaning toward Azwel a but now, unconsciously, uncertain of his sympathy and seeking it anyway. "Truth is comforting to no one. That's why I spend so much time lying."

"Tell me, you come from a world with some magic, do you not?"

[lovesuwithknives]

Oh, Azwel is definitely a few lines short of a sonnet, but he's also quite, quite lucid. He says what he means, and all that.

"These things so often do get worse," Azwel muses with the air of a man who's been there. Maybe he'll tell the story.

At the question he nods. "I do, indeed, though everyone's idea of magick is different and, in my world, there are those who have managed to make it co-exist with science." For... a given value of 'science,' anyway.

[coldsong]

"Mmm. My brother has said they are one and the same. Indeed, there seems to be some overlap, but it has long been my feeling that to know too much about magic is to break it. It is unknowable and difficult to define by its sheer nature. And often overwhelming."

He folds his hands on his lap, fingers fidgeting nervously. "What do you know about...mn, artifacts with the capability to alter emotions or memory?"

[lovesuwithknives]

Oh, what are the odds? Lucky you, Loki, you've stumbled upon one who has created such an artefact.

Azwel gives a rueful smile. "I know rather a lot about such artefacts." He reaches down and unclips the gauntlets from his belt, placing them on the table. "These bear shards of what are called the Spirit Sword and the Cursed Sword," he says, indicating the vaguely crystalline things in the triangular settings. "Taken from before the weapons re-formed themselves from being shattered in a fight. The Cursed Sword holds the essence of Chaos, whereas the Spirit Sword holds the essence of Order. In my world, the Cursed Sword had the ability to cause something called 'Malfestation'--it would twist and mutate a certain kind of person in body and mind, bringing out rage and hatred before leaving them a mindless killer.

There is no cure for Malfestation save for one thing--" he taps the left gauntlet and its blue crystal. "The Spirit Sword. At least that's the legend. In the hands of the right bearer, its energies could merge with theirs and reverse the effects. The right bearer, however, is a rare individual, indeed,"

"Rest assured, though, bound as these shards are, they cannot work any transformations unless I will it. They are part of a... a circuit, now, for which I've made myself a catalyst."

[coldsong]

Loki wants to protest that the essence of Chaos should not be rage and hatred. Chaos is just...itself. There is rage and joy in it in equal measures. Or maybe Loki is biased because it's very much his element. In any case, he listens to Azwel's explanation with his elbows on his knees, lips pressed into a thin line.

"Where I come from there were elements at the beginning of time. Elements or entities, or things that were both. After creation began, these elements became condensed into gems. The Infinity Stones. Each seems to have its own limited sentience, its own ability and power over some aspect of existence. One of them is the Mind Stone."

"I held it, for a short while. And I used it, at the behest of...an unpleasant employer. At the time I felt its power, felt it nipping at my psyche. I did not realize how deeply it had altered my memories until it was taken from me."

"The nature of these things, the sheer power, is both fascinating and abhorrent. To feel yourself being bent into the wrong shape over and over again, and yet to be unable to question the contortion. If you use yours without such ill effects, you are very fortunate."

[lovesuwithknives]

Take that up with Soul Edge, Loki. Azwel's is not the most well-thought-out of canons....

He nods. "I suspect another reason these have less effect is because they're pieces, not the entirety. Still, they aren't the most pleasant things to use." A beat. "You had the entirety of an artefact--I can but imagine the strain. Yet people blame you for what you did under its influence?" He shakes his head.

As to any ill effects from the shards, well, that remains to be seen. It can't be good for a person to route those kinds of energies through themselves.

[coldsong]

Inconsistencies are what make a fandom go around.

"Two, actually," he says, with a lilt in his voice, almost cheerful. "For a short while, I held the Space Stone, as well."

"I am not sure whether I would rather be seen as villain or victim, friend. I was not myself. But that is of little comfort to those that suffered from my actions. It is in the nature of most sentient beings, when disaster befalls, to seek someone to blame."

"I don't...I do not object to anger and recrimination. I did what I did. People died. I cannot pretend I am not a killer. I only object to the dismissal of my point of view on the matter. I would be heard, and not have my torment be dismissed as a temper tantrum."