nexus_crossings | In which Shelby deals with terrible hindsight.

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In which Shelby deals with terrible hindsight.

Shelby is glad to find her door to the Nexus waiting for her. She needs to get the hell out of Indianapolis right now because she feels like the worst person on the planet. Which is an odd feeling when she's just been named four-time IndyCar champion two days ago, but there it is. Her latest victory doesn't mean a whole lot to her at the moment.

That's because she and her best friend have just had a six-year overdue argument. Shelby never claimed to be the most mature person back then but she also had no idea that she had done so much damage to someone that she cared for. Someone who was, if she was honest, the first person she'd ever really loved.

She feels ashamed, and embarrassed, and frightened all over again because she's dealing with this while having to make a huge decision about her future and worry about a physical that will tell her if she even has a future. Any one of those things would make her nervous; all three and she feels like the world's caving in. Which is, again, not what she wants to feel after working her ass off to capture a fourth championship.

So by the time she goes through the door, she's on the verge of tears, and she's just going to sit down in the nearest available corner to take slow, deep breaths until she can compose herself. She isn't going back through that door until she knows she's not going to fall apart and has a clue about what she's supposed to do to make things right.

Does she make amends for what happened six years ago (can she)? Or does she focus on not screwing things up a second time? And is there some way, somehow, that she can just catch her breath and not be thinking about everything else?

"How do you fix hurting your best friend?" she says, talking to herself but this is the Nexus so she's pretty sure everyone will overhear her.

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Piper was making her way through the Plaza of the Nexus. With hardly any time passing from this world and her own, Piper spent a lot of time here. She'd set up her PINPoint account and spent a lot of time at the library, reading and researching everything she found interesting. She was heading back toward the door that would lead her home but first she stopped at one of the coffee stands, bought something to drink. She was just paying when she over heard the question.

Hurting your best friend? Well, she definitely had history with that particular subject. It was becoming easier to talk about without either closing off completely or breaking down. It was the small things right? She asked for a hot chocolate, paid for it before making her way over to the young woman with both drinks.

"My biggest piece of advice? Don't wait to long to go to them, apologize if you need to and talk it out," she said, stepping closer to her. "Coffee or a hot chocolate? You look like you could use a drink."

[OOC: I would have thrown Les at her but Piper was like 'nah'.]

"Probably." It came with a shaky laugh as Shelby accepted the offered hot chocolate. She could probably use something stronger than that with how big of a fuckup she felt at the moment, but alcohol was not going to accomplish anything. "Thanks."

This was why she was so nervous when it came to her personal life. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt people like her mother had done to her and her father. But based on what Peter had said just now it sounded like she had hurt him. Obviously he'd gotten over it, to an extent, because it was six years later but that didn't make it okay.

"Talking about it is what got us into trouble," she admitted after she took a drink, realizing she owed Piper an explanation. "I asked him to move in with me and he said he wasn't sure if I'm going to take this new job offer. He said it reminded him too much of when I left him before and told me just how much I hurt him when I did."

A slow breath. "I never realized that my leaving did that much damage in his life. I feel terrible about it, even though it was six years ago, and then I want to kick myself for going out on a limb and asking him to move in with me in the first place."

Piper nodded and sat down in a chair near the other woman, holding onto her coffee. She'd briefly considered a shot of Kahlua or some variation of it found here in the Nexus but decided she'd be drinking later on anyway so she didn't need it right that second.

She listened to Shelby and smiled gently. "At least you talked about it which is important," she said, gently. "I know it must suck right now but trust me when I say... it's better to talk about it now than perhaps not getting another chance to later." Piper paused and took a sip of her coffee. "Truth be told, I don't think we ever truly know the impact of our actions on those around us - for better or worse - until they tell us later on. Or if something happens." The latter was definitely in her case and likely no the norm by any means.

"In this case, you'll just have to demonstrate that you're not going to leave again and that you'll be there, regardless of the job or not." She paused. "I'm Piper, by the way," she said and held out a hand to the other woman. She wasn't sure if they'd met before but something was nagging in her mind that she'd at least spoken to her before.

"Shelby. Thanks for hearing me out." Shelby gave her as much of a smile as she could at the moment. "I just need to get my head around all this. He dropped a lot of information on me when I've already got so much to think about."

She took another drink before idly running her fingers around the rim of the mug. It didn't help that what they were talking about had been six years ago so it wasn't like she could do anything about it. And even if she could, if she'd come up with some kind of time machine, she wasn't sure she would. It had been going to New York for a year that had turned her career around. If she'd stayed then everything she'd worked for now might not have happened.

"He's a fantastic guy and I hate the idea I ever hurt him. My mother did that to my father, years ago. Walked out when I was six months old and never came back. Except for about five years ago to ask me for money," she explained with a bitter laugh. "I promised myself I'd never be like that and I guess I did it anyway. That's why it bothers me. I never wanted to be that person."

She nodded and listened as Shelby spoke. "That's understandable. Honestly, I have found that there's never a good time to talk about past hurts... specially if there has been a significant stretch of time in between," Piper admitted, taking a sip of her coffee. "But sometimes, in order to truly move past it, you have to acknowledge it. And that part sucks the most sometimes."

She'd been in that same exact spot recently herself when she found herself in Adonis' penthouse and finally allowed the dam to break on everything she'd held in for a decade.

"I would say that if you've gotten to the point of asking him to move in with you, a lot of the hurt has probably passed," Piper said with a small smile. "Besides, I'm sure he knows better than anyone that you're no longer the person you were six years ago."

"That's true. We've talked about how we're getting older," Shelby replies with a soft laugh. She and Peter relate to each other in a new way now that they're in their mid-30's as opposed to being in their late 20's and both getting their big break. Nine years is a lot of growing up to do. "And I'm glad he told me. I never realized; actually I never thought about what happened to anyone other than me."

When she was in New York she had enough to worry about without thinking about anyone back home, and the rare times she did think about them she felt unworthy. So her myopia was one-part necessity and one-part self-loathing. Then when she came back to Indianapolis, she never wanted to look back. There was no reason to. Not until now, apparently.

"It's funny, it's like history repeating herself," she found herself saying to Piper. "He was my best friend for two years and now I don't want to be without him again either. But I have to make this choice that's going to define my entire life, and I've got to make it for me and not him or anybody else."

The more Shelby spoke, the more Piper found she could relate to the other woman. Of course, their circumstances were vastly different and less... well, murder on her end than it was on Piper's but still. She'd realized how different Adonis and herself were compared to the versions of them ten-eleven years ago. Course. Neither of them looked at all different due to who they were but they were vastly different people.

Piper nodded. "It show's that he respects you enough to share that with you. Which is important in any relationship - friendship or otherwise." She laughed softly and nodded. "I can't begin to tell you about how much I relate to that statement - never thinking about what happened to anyone other than me, that is. I've had a similar moment in recent months."

She brought her mug up again to her mouth and took a sip from the cooling coffee. "You know, just because you're making a life defining choice doesn't mean you still can't have your best friend. I mean, it may be harder and the both of you will work harder in maintaining that friendship but it's not outside the realm of possibility."

"No, it's just a logistical nightmare." Shelby laughed, she spoke from years of experience. "The reason we were able to reconnect is we work for the same employer. Our business is so hectic, that when you work on different teams, you don't get to socialize a lot. It's a quick hi or a lunch or some event. We'd still see each other at home, but he's not wrong in saying anything outside of that would be a crapshoot. So that's why he's nervous about me taking this other job. For him it's deja vu."

She had no idea why she said what she said next, maybe because it had been on her mind of recent.

"You know, he was the first man I ever really loved," she admitted. "Seems ridiculous to say at my age but it's true." She'd been 25 when she'd met Peter, and she'd still only had three boyfriends in her whole life. He was not one of them.

"That's fair," Piper said with a little smile. "And that makes sense." Life was hectic enough and add in a busy schedule, that just would exacerbate it she was sure. Not that she had much room to talk in general, she didn't talk to Adonis nearly enough though they were both making a better effort of it these days. It was nice, actually.

Her eyebrows rose a bit and smiled. "I don't think it's ridiculous at all. I don't think anything to do with love at any age is ridiculous." Which was the honest truth. But the fact that he'd been her first love made sense why it was harder knowing Peter had been hurt by Shelby's actions in the past.

"He's a good man, and the fact that he's still somehow connected to me after all these years I guess is pretty lucky." Nine years was a long time to know anyone and Peter had every right to have left her behind if he'd wanted to.

"I just have to find a way to not hurt him or anybody else." She exhaled. Everything she did now had effects on other people. "I have my dream job sitting in front of me, but that means leaving my whole crew behind. Most of whom have been with me for five years. And him, and my boyfriend works in the organization, too. I know I need to do what's right for myself, but I can't stop thinking about how my actions affect other people."

A soft laugh. "Does that make me weak?"

"They say if you remain friends for more than seven years, that you have a friend for life. My friend... I guess, best friend and I didn't talk for several years regularly but I know if push came to shove, he'd be there." And he had been. They both had been. "We try more often now to talk more life happens. So it seems to me that you have a best friend for life there, no matter which way it goes."

Piper shook her head. "It doesn't make you weak. It's a good thing to be aware of how your actions affect others. No one lives completely in a void unless they live totally off the grid. At the end of the day, you have to weigh the pros and cons of what matters most to you." Which really was, ultimately, what it came down to.

"That's what makes this so complicated." Shelby chuckles. "The one job I wanted coming into this sport was to partner with my favorite driver and that's what I'm being offered. Scott has become one of my other best friends, and his team is desperate for a partner who can keep up with him. They're doing some very exciting things over there I'd love to be a part of.

"But the team I'm with now has made me who I am, and so many people I care about work here," she says. "We're successful at what we do, and like Peter says, leaving them means I probably wouldn't see as much of them anymore. People I care about, who invested their time in my career. I feel like either way I'll be happy for different reasons but I'll also be disappointed, too."

"That's a really tough spot to be in," Piper said with a little smile, understanding why the other woman would have a hard time deciding. "And you wouldn't be able to take your entire team with you if you chose to leave?"

The racing world was a world Piper didn't quite grasp. She knew all about decisions needing made and fighting supernatural pains in the asses - it was usually pretty clear cut in a way. But this had a lot of hands in it.

"I'm taking my strategist." Shelby chuckled when she said it, because it wasn't like Ganassi had offered Shane a job. He'd just decided he would go if she left and she wasn't going to argue with him. They were a package deal, which was saying something considering that they had once been hell-bent on getting away from each other.

"But everyone else, no. My engineer, my spotter, my crew chief, my pit crew...all those guys would either have to negotiate their own jobs or they'd work with whoever replaces me." She realized she ought to tell Piper the technical stuff Shelby just took for granted. "Crew members negotiate their own contracts the same as drivers do. So maybe one or two of them could be hired away. But most of them would end up staying."

"Ahh, I see," Piper said, nodding her head. "That makes sense. That's a really hard decision to make. Especially since these are people you've worked a long time with," she admitted with a little smile.

"When do you have to give them your decision? Or is it not official yet?"

She paused as she finished off her coffee before continuing. "I really hope things between you and Peter smooth over though and this, while being hard now, will make your friendship stronger. Friends and loved ones are important to have in our lives." Piper had a lot of regrets and some low key anger (namely at herself and the situation) and one of those biggest regrets was simply not being there or apologizing sooner.

"About a week and a half."

Shelby's plate was incredibly full which was why she was glad for this escape into the Nexus. She had a physical to pass, then a dinner date with Scott, and then about a week after that a one-day aeroscreen test at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. A week and a half sounded like a lot of time but it really wasn't because there were so many things she had to do, to even get close to making that decision.

At the mention of Peter's name she sighed. "We'll make up eventually. We kind of have to, living together," she admitted. "I just wish there was something more I could do for him. I don't think I've ever seen him that hurt. And I never like hurting anybody."

A small smile. "I'm sorry. I should ask at some point in this conversation how things turned out for you. You've been sharing your story and I'm just floating in my own head."

"So a little time to make a choice," Piper said. Though, she knew as well as anyone, that a week and a half flies by in the blink of an eye. These days, she realized, they flew by even faster than they did when she was younger.

She laughed softly. "It's hard to remain mad or upset when you see each other every day like that," she agreed. Piper has truly thought that it would be the case between her and Jordan. They'd get over it and things would work out. "From what I've learned, sometimes it just happens despite your best intentions. But what matters is that you learn from it and it doesn't happen again. And considering the two of you have become close friends again, I'm sure it'll work out just fine."

Piper stayed silent for a moment before shaking her head. "Not very good, I'm afraid," she admitted. "But that's a long story in of itself."

"Something like that," Shelby said with a nod. "I've got a doctor's appointment, a dinner date, and a day's worth of work all in there, too. That might be part of why I'm so on edge. Normally I insist on a full week off after the season so I can decompress. I think I got about two days."

And that lack of downtime had come after a season in which she sorely needed it. Her nerves were probably a little shot which made her react even more emotionally to what Peter had told her. Now that she was removed from the situation for a while she was starting to see how it had spun out of control and begin to think about it from a proper analytical perspective.

At the look on Piper's face though Shelby paused. "If you'd like to talk about it, I'm happy to listen," she offered. It was only fair after the other woman had sat there and listened to her issue.

Edited 2020-11-05 18:17 (UTC)

"The time goes quick, I know. It seems to fly by more quickly than it did when I was younger," she agreed. "Especially when you have a full schedule because the stress certainly doesn't help." It was something she could relate to on some level as well but this wasn't exactly about her as it was about Shelby.

Piper gave her a little smile. "Thank you, I appreciate that. Maybe a time when there's plenty of alcohol involved. Just take it from me, don't wait too long before you go and clear the air with him. I didn't get another true chance to apologize to the one person I wish I could have. It took around a decade for me to really clear the air with another friend and I regret that now. Granted, not everyone has my fucked up life but still."

"I won't." Shelby nodded slightly. As she got older hindsight was so much better. Part of her wondered what would have happened if she had pursued things with Peter when they were much younger, even though the adult in her knew that it would only have made both of their lives a lot more complicated.

Everything that had happened, had happened for a reason. But now it just felt like so much wasted time, and painful besides. That had been a tough lesson to learn: that sometimes bad things had their place in her life.

"I'd say you could call me sometime but I never remember to check my phone," she admitted with a laugh. "But I'm happy to listen if we do run into each other again. I know all about complicated histories."

Piper nodded. "And hold onto his friendship if it means a lot to you," she said, her voice softer with a little smile. "I've only begun to repair a friendship that... well, he and I never really got along before. But he's been there, he's had my back for the last decade and, those are the friends to really hold onto."

She laughed softly. "I'm not the best at checking my phone either," she agreed. "I appreciate that, Shelby. Thank you. Ever since... well, ever truthfully, my life has been a bit outside of the realm of 'normal' complicated." She paused. "I actually think my life is fairly normal compared to some of the people I've met here in the Nexus." That had been refreshing when she started to realize that.

"That I'll believe." Shelby laughs. "I just met Iron Man!"

The Nexus has blown her mind more than once even in the limited time she's been here. Shelby's world has been as blue-collar and grounded as it gets, and things like superheroes and aliens made no sense to her. Then she got here and her eyes have definitely been opened.

"I feel like everyone thinks their life is complicated," she comments, "but for some of us it's definitely more than others. The worst thing that ever happened to me in my whole life, wound up being the best thing that I could have asked for in hindsight. So don't feel like you're alone in those feelings. My story's pretty long itself at this point."

She had spoken openly in numerous interviews about her year spent working as a mechanic in New York. Shelby wasn't ashamed of it, and she was also proud of the Marshall Motors crew. Maybe other people wouldn't be so honest in the press, but she'd always worn her heart on her sleeve. Her emotions had always run high; now they just came out more easily.

Piper laughed and nodded. "I've met a quite a few different people and a God so it's definitely been interesting," she said with a grin.

She stayed silent for a long minute, listening to Shelby speak before looking at her. "That's for sure. Everyone thinks their lives are more complicated than others and I'm certainly not an exception to that mindset. I'm a witch and along with my best friend/cousin, we were distantly related, we were going to be our generation's "chosen ones". We were to be the greatest force of good the world has seen." Piper tried really hard to not roll her eyes. "Before we could though, my friend and I got into a huge argument and a group of demons, vampires and other beings killed her and my first boyfriend."

She looked down at her empty coffee cup and really wish she had brought a flask with her. "For ten years, I've been on a revenge mission to take down everyone involved." When it came down to it, she wasn't ashamed of it. She regretted a lot about not spending more time with Jordan and David in those days but she knew what was done was done. Piper also knew that this could potentially make Shelby not want to talk to her and that was a chance she decided to make.

"Oh my God, that sounds terrible. I'm so sorry."

Shelby has lost people she loves but those tragedies have been a handful of racing accidents, and luckily few and far between. She's never had to deal with violent crime. The supernatural part she doesn't grasp but she pushes that aside because that's not what's relevant here. What's relevant is that terrible loss.

The one thing she can relate to is that chip on Piper's shoulder. She had one that whole year she was away from IndyCar and that first year back. She needed to prove herself, of course to keep her job but mostly she wanted to show everyone that they had been wrong about her. Now she was regarded as one of the best in her sport but that had only happened because she'd fought back after being kicked to the curb.

"If you have a mission in your life, you have to keep chasing it," she said after a moment. "I could have given up. I could have stayed in Indianapolis and waited for another chance to come around. I turned my entire life upside down to get my job back and that's how I ended up where I am today. Don't wait for anything and don't let anyone stop you. No matter how much it hurts."

Piper opened her mouth to dismiss the sentiment but she was really trying to be better at not doing that and accepting it. Dismissing things like that is what she'd always done, even before their deaths so it was a hard habit to break.

"Thank you," she said, her voice softer and she truly meant it. "We took down every single one of them involved - finished... last year. Now it's mostly a matter of what do I do afterward," she admitted with a little smile. "It took a decade but I'm starting to form a stronger friendship with my friend's then-boyfriend." Which really, is putting it mildly - it was a complicated relationship they had. At the end of the day though, she was thankful to the vampire. "He knows me better than just about anyone at this point."

She nodded in understanding. "Yeah, the mission helps keep you focused," Piper agreed. "Oh, I never let anything stop me. People would say it's one of the most irritating qualities about me. It's great to meet someone else who is the same way - who never gives up on what you want."

"This is all I've ever done. All I've ever worked for," Shelby said. "I have to keep fighting because there's not much else I could ever do."

She had been a pretty good mechanic and toward the end of that year in New York she'd made peace with that possibly being her career. There was no shame in a good blue-collar job. But other than that she just wasn't equipped for much else. Every class, every amount of free time, every decision had been made with IndyCar in mind.

"But it's important to have people around you," she continued. "I've noticed that now. Not that I don't have friends and family; I've got a great family and a lot of friends. But I've always been so career focused. Having Peter, and having my boyfriend Derrick, showed me something else outside of racing. Something that I ended up leaning on a lot this year. That having something to come home to means more than you think."

Piper nodded. "I doubt that since I'm sure you're great at a ton of things. But, I get that. I will always keep fighting because there is no other option." And although at this point, she wasn't sure what she was fighting for, she would always find something.

She nodded in agreement. "You're right about that. I don't think I realized how important that was again until I started making amends with Adonis. His place has become like a second home to me. I've been moving so much that I forgot what that felt like."

"That's what happened to me." Shelby nods knowingly. "I bought my house five years ago expecting that I'd marry and have a family to raise in it. It's sat mostly empty for a long time. Peter only moved in by necessity but I realized very quickly how much I loved having someone else in the place. It feels so much more alive now."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my career and that's my priority," she adds. "But it helps to have somebody there at the end of a long day. Or on the weekend to unwind with. Or just to not be sitting in silence and isolation. I'd have lost my mind if he wasn't around right now. I wanted to get a cat, but I'm never home to take care of one, so a roommate seemed the better option!"

"At least a roommate doesn't require as much hands on care," Piper agree with a laugh. "Unlike a pet - cat or otherwise." There had been conversations once they decided to make London their home base that they'd want to get dogs and/or cats and looking back, she's glad they hadn't yet. She couldn't have left them.

Piper nodded. "I admit, it's been nice to be back in London because when I'm there, he's always willing to cook." Even when he doesn't necessarily need it to live anymore. "Which is for the best because otherwise I order a ton of takeout." Or drink. Or not eat, which also happened.

"I can cook, just not exceptionally well." Shelby chuckled. She'd been living on her own since graduating from college so she'd had to learn as a matter of course. But there was a difference between being able to feed herself and being able to make anything impressive. Peter, on the other hand, seemed to have a knack for it.

A small smile. "Baking, on the other hand? That's all me. It's what my dad used to do when I was upset as a little girl and so for a long time it's what I did when I was upset. I'd just make some brownies for myself or give them to friends going through a rough time. So I'm not totally hopeless, domestically speaking."

"And that's what matters," she added. "Because the career stuff, all of it, it does end eventually. At least it will for me. My goal is to make sure there's something else there at the end of it that will make me at peace with walking away."

Piper laughed and nodded. "I can cook pasta and a few other things but it's not my talent," she said with a grin. "Oh now baking, absolutely. It's been a while but I've bookmarked some cookie recipes that I still want to try out but haven't gotten around to. They're a good stress relief," she agreed.

She'd be the first to admit that for a number of years, she had a complicated relationship with food. But she had learned that if she wanted to survive what the world was throwing at her, she'd have to take better care of herself than she did.

"Do you know what you'd want to do after you're done racing?"

"I do, actually," Shelby replies. She'd given this a lot of thought because she knows how an athlete's career is finite and so many of them never have anything to fall back on. "I want to work as a driver coach for an IndyCar team. My friend Dario transitioned into being the coach for Chip Ganassi Racing and he loves it. I think that would be a good fit for me, and keep me involved in the sport."

Because she had no intention of leaving IndyCar.

"I want to get married and start a family. And pursue my Masters degree. Education is important in my family and I always enjoyed going to school. So I've got lots of things to look forward to when the time is right, assuming that I put in the effort now to make them possible."

"That sounds like a really good fit for you and allows you to stay in the sport," Piper agreed. "Anyone would be lucky to have you as a coach." Someone who has had championship wins and someone who seems to truly care about the people and the sport.

She smiled at the mention of starting a family and going back to school. "Sounds like you have a great plan in place or a trajectory of where you'd like to go. That's great."

For Piper, she had a lot of soul searching to do. Okay, a bit of soul searching at the very least of where she wanted to be and what she wanted to focus on. Everything was different now than she had even imagined when she was younger. One thing was certain, she was starting to rediscover the things she liked from before.

"I'm excited at the idea of coaching," Shelby said. "I've had a lot of great mentors in my career, and with some of the younger drivers who have come up after me, it's been great to help them and get to see them grow. Coaching would just be doing that for a paycheck."

She knew she wouldn't be the driver she was without the advice she'd gotten from people like Sarah Fisher, Scott Dixon, Mario Andretti and many others. The IndyCar community was a real community where they were never shy about welcoming in new people, answering their questions, and encouraging them on.

"You should come visit sometime," she said. "I think you might like it in Indianapolis."

"That's great! It's important to pay it forward and help train or mentor the next set of young drivers hoping to be in your position one day," Piper agreed with a smile. "Not everyone is geared to be a good coach and if you can do that and have the drive to do that, that's important."

Piper grinned. "It's been a long time since I've been out that way. I'd like to come and check it out again sometime soon. That would be a lot of fun."

"I have a guest room at my house. You're welcome to come and stay with me." Shelby commented. Even if Peter did move in with her, the place still had two more bedrooms. She'd bought it with the express intent of having a guest room for her parents or anyone else who might come to visit. She had no intention of ever moving so the house had to have plenty of space.

She took a deep breath. As much as she'd love to sit there and talk all day, talking about said house reminded her she needed to go back and face Peter. They needed to deal with the issue or the angst would eat the both of them alive. Both of them never liked to see the other one upset.

"I should go talk to him," she said. Now that she'd calmed down maybe they could reach a resolution. "But thank you. And are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?"

The offer to stay with Shelby threw Piper for a momentary loop if she was being completely honest. Although she'd grown up in New Orleans, she'd always heard about how welcoming people were from the Midwest as well as the South. It was surprising and refreshing in its own way.

"That sounds great, I'd love to see Indianapolis again," she said, nodding.

Piper nodded. "That's a great idea and I truly hope it goes well for you both," she responded, standing from her chair. "No, I'll be fine but thank you. I have a party I'm going to attend tonight and then do something I haven't done in a while." It was Halloween Night or Samhain after all and she was well overdue for her personal observance of it.

Shelby nodded and stood with her. "You're welcome, and thank you for listening to me. I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."

She had no idea how much her entire life was about to change. All she knew was that she'd hurt her best friend and it was time to make that right. She turned and walked back through the Plaza, finding her door and with a deep breath pushed herself through it. Back to the rest of her life.

"....That's not the sort of thing that's easy to fix." The voice who answers Shelby is quiet, not easily heard over her own deep breaths. In truth the Andorian looks about a second or two from excusing himself already but her question hits a bit closer to home than he would have liked to admit to himself.

"If they're so close to you....it would have taken a lot to hurt them to begin with." Halting speech, hesitant but trying to explain. He's mostly humanoid if not a shocking shade of blue with stark white hair. His antennae droop somewhat with his concern.

"It did. It was the lowest point of my life." Shelby can admit that easily. She's never hidden the year that she was out of her sport or how hard she had it when she was. She's not ashamed of what she had to go through; just ashamed of the fact that she ended up hurting anyone other than herself.

"He's got every right to be upset," she comments. "The problem is, this all happened six years ago. It's not like I can do anything about it other than apologize."

She's not bothered by the fact that she's talking to a blue alien. Not anymore, anyway. She's been here three times now and she's run into a giant sea pirate creature and Iron Man. She understands that the Nexus is a strange place.

That's a long time to carry a hurt like that without exposing it to the light of day. A long time for a wound to fester untreated. Even trying to imagine waiting so long to address the things that made her question stick with him more than most brings a tight feeling to the officer's chest.

"Have you been entirely out of contact for that time? I'm....surprised it's gone this long untouched."

"Kind of, yeah." Shelby nodded. "I was out of state for a whole year, and then for the two years after that, we worked in different places and didn't really see each other. It's only been in the last couple of years, since he came to work for my team, that Peter and I have been able to reconnect."

And it was being quarantined together that had done more for their relationship than anyone. It had taken time for Shelby to let him back in, but when you're stuck living together under the same roof, there's not a lot of places to hide.

"He didn't want to make me feel guilty," she says. "Which he was right. He said it and I feel incredibly guilty."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In which Shelby deals with terrible hindsight.

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