nexus_crossings | Many happy? returns

Many happy? returns

It has been some time since the Doctor has been here. He was off facing yet another battlefield. It was meant to be his last. He has no idea how he ended up here, of all places.

He clothes are in a tattered mess and covered in soot. His body, is surprisingly unscathed. Well, now it is. 'State of grace'. It can happen with regeneration. When one is refusing or debating the entire process.

He turns to face the TARDIS. "Why have you brought me here?" When his beloved ship didn't answer him he sighs and starts to walk away from her. "Fine. But I'm not leaving. I'm staying and if this is where I die, so be it."

He walks along, not really wanting to sit. If he sits it might happen and he's not going to do that again. He's muttering to himself. "I can't keep on being somebody else. Why isn't it ever anybody else's turn? Why can't I just rest? Just once?"

[ooc: available in post-Doctor Falls and Twice Upon a Time flavours, depending if you want spoilers or not.]

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Harley squeezes his hand again. "Another would never take your place in my heart. My mind."

"And if you want to rest, you should seek that."

He squeezes her hand again in return and then releases it.

"See that's just it. It'd still be me, same memories, just a different body, different tastes, different attitudes..."

The same thing he has to explain to any companion. He huffs in a bit of derision.

"The Universe isn't so kind to me."

He looks around them.

"Except maybe here. I just don't know for sure what would happen to me or my universe back home if I stayed."

"But see... it is this attitude that makes the difference. It is the cranky old man that saved me." Harley insists.

"Another question. I have stayed. But I don't make as big of a difference."

He looks up at her, a bit confused. Because he didn't remember doing that. Sure talked to her, offered guidance, but not really 'saved' in the literal sense. The way it happens so often back home.

"I don't understand. What did I do to save you? Wait."

He stops her before she can answer because her last statement is important.

"You're human. Maybe ordinary, maybe not. But that is the most important kind of person in the universe. You make a big difference in the smallest and most ordinary ways."

Harley reaches out to take his hand again. "I do make a big difference... here in the Nexus. Where I have new friends, who I can help. That is why I stayed. My path is here..."

She pauses to collect her thoughts. To answer his first question.

"You didn't stay for the whole Halloween party. People were taken into a Nightmare dimension. I was one of them."

"I faced my fears. I helped my friends. But then... I fought this werewolf-type creature. And when he bit me, his curse tried to infect me. But the part of me that was already infected fought back."

"I was caught... in that mindset. Laughing and laughing and laughing beyond my own control. And then I remembered something you said. And your voice... helped me to focus. To break free of that. To survive."

"You saved me when my past tried to claim me again. Even though you were not there. And that means a lot."

He has to protest a little. Because he doesn't like that she might feel abandoned by him.

"I was there, well, trying to get as many people out of there as I could. As always, I couldn't save everyone..."

He doesn't fight her when she takes his hand again. And he is absolutely not going to be moved to tears at her story. No. This Doctor doesn't cry. Except, he is so very close to it. He'd blame it on the emotions with the surges of regeneration energy trying to pulse through his body. He forces a small smile, but it is clearly forced.

"I'm glad I could help, even if it was just in your head."

"I am glad you were helping other people." Harley manages a forced smile herself. Halloween had been a tough night for her. One minute she was having fun and enjoying socializing at a party... then the next minute she was covered with blood and fighting for her life.

"A part of me will miss you, whatever happens to you. Even if you change. Especially if you die. But I just want to support you in your decision."

He can feel her surge of emotions through their contact. Even though he doesn't normally allow for it, they're so strong he can't not.

"I'm sorry you felt like you were on your own. I would have come to find the others, but you all were just... gone. I had hoped you all had just gotten out another way."

He hung his head. In the aftermath, he hadn't tried to look as hard as he should have. He speaks, but more as if he's repeating something than actually saying something about her situation.

"Around me, people should worry about themselves."

Harley shakes her head. Shaking off some of the lingering feelings that she still has. The lingering memories of how she almost lost her identity again.

She returns her focus on him. And the fact that he is not really speaking to her again. "Is there anything I can do?"

He looks at her again and offers a small smile.

"Be happy. Look after yourself and others. And be kind. Just that."

Except it's always more than that, isn't it?

"I am happy." Harley truly is, now that she feels that she has found a new path for herself.

"But in the whole looking after others aspect... I just would like to see you happy too."

He offers a nod of his head.

"Me too. If you have any ideas, I'm open to hear them. It's just a little hard when..."

She can probably feel his hands heat up as the regeneration energy pulses through them.

"...That is happening."

Harley thinks for a moment. "Maybe we need to use up some of your energy?"

"That could kill me itself..Regeneration is a tricky thing. And the energy it uses, even more so. It can heal or kill, depending on how it's used."

He's actually squirming at the thought. That makes him more uncomfortable than thinking about the decision he has to make.

"Oh..."

"Well, if you need a place to rest for a little, I have a Nexus apartment now."

A small smile breaks free at her offer. "Setting up permanent camp? Good. It sounds like things are better here anyway."

He swallows. "I wouldn't want to impose, though."

Which is so hard to say, because a part of him desperate wants someone else to take care of him for a bit.

"You would not be imposing." Harley insists. "At least stay for a few hours. See how it feels."

He looks at her hard, while he considers it.

"A proper rest would be nice. I've been in some sense of the regeneration process for two weeks now. Maybe a good kip will stabilise it a bit."

He pauses and looks at her again.

"Okay, one condition, though. If I tell you to get away from me, then do as I say. Who knows if the Nexus is powerful enough to hold the regeneration back or not. Being here might just make everything worse. And same applies if I tell you I have to go. Don't take it personally, I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"I can do that. And I won't take it personally." She is just happy that she is able to provide him a place to stay. Even if it is just for a little time.

He nods. "Okay, then. I might need your help getting there. I died just a bit ago, it catches up with you eventually."

He slowly stands. But seems to do so under his own power. Mostly if a flash of pain hits him, he doesn't want to fall on his face.

Harley moves to place an arm around him, once he does stand up. That way, if he needs the support, he can lean on her.

"I remember dying myself. Being changed. So I understand."

He looks down at her like she's lost a few screws. He hadn't heard this before.

"You what?"

"I never told you this?" Harley blinks for a moment.

She can tell the story as she leads him to her Nexus apartment.

"Remember how I told you about how sometimes I laugh uncontrollably? That condition was caused by something called Joker Toxin. Contact with Joker Toxic causes uncontrollable spasms of laughter, leading to a painful death."

"I met Joker in Arkham. It was my first psychiatrist gig. And I..." Harley frowns. "I fell hard for him. He knew all the right things to say. How to create a connection that wasn't real."

"I even helped him to form a jail break. And he took me to where a bunch of Joker Toxin was stored in vats. He held a gun to my head and asked if I would die for him. Then he asked if I would live for him."

"I jumped... fell into the toxin. I died. I lived. I changed."

"The toxin changed me. It changed my skin tone. It changed my personality."

The Doctor stops walking for a moment in shock. No, she hadn't told him.

"You had mentioned the Joker, but... Maybe you weren't ready to talk about that part yet. Which I don't blame you. Such transformations are painful enough to experience without rehashing every time you meet someone new."

Novel concept, he wishes it were that easy. He tucks her arm closer to him in an sort of hug, given their position. He starts to move again.

"Regeneration is similar, except it's been woven into my biology, so it's a little different, too. Time Lords can use it to escape death. Every cell in our bodies turns itself inside out and heals themselves. All at the same time. The result can be rather - explosive. But such a drastic overhaul means that everything about us is different. Personality, tastes in food, appearance. There's a lot of people out there who wouldn't recognise me just because I have a different face."

"It can be hard to reflect on... and not trigger a psychosis." Harley frowns. There are few people in the Nexus who truly know all the bad things that the Joker did to her.

When he tucks her arm closer to him, Harley leans her head on his shoulder.

"So you are still in that overhaul process."

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