Many happy? returns

[not_the_question]

It has been some time since the Doctor has been here. He was off facing yet another battlefield. It was meant to be his last. He has no idea how he ended up here, of all places.

He clothes are in a tattered mess and covered in soot. His body, is surprisingly unscathed. Well, now it is. 'State of grace'. It can happen with regeneration. When one is refusing or debating the entire process.

He turns to face the TARDIS. "Why have you brought me here?" When his beloved ship didn't answer him he sighs and starts to walk away from her. "Fine. But I'm not leaving. I'm staying and if this is where I die, so be it."

He walks along, not really wanting to sit. If he sits it might happen and he's not going to do that again. He's muttering to himself. "I can't keep on being somebody else. Why isn't it ever anybody else's turn? Why can't I just rest? Just once?"



[ooc: available in post-Doctor Falls and Twice Upon a Time flavours, depending if you want spoilers or not.]

Comments

[not_the_question]

"I don't know." He pauses in thought. "How are you with philosophical conversations?"

[sweetcandygirl]

"My philosophical beliefs are often a little chaotic for others to handle. But I am willing to give it a shot. For you."

[not_the_question]

He nods at her then gestures to the cafe. "We'll start with tea, but it might take something stronger."

He offers her his arm, though, she might find he's more using her to support him than the other way around.

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley takes his offered arm. It worries her a little when she notices that he is leaning on her for support.

Once they get to the café, Harley orders herself a tea, and a rum cake, drizzled in chocolate sauce.

"What can you tell me?"

[not_the_question]

The Doctor only has tea for now. He might get something stronger in a bit.

"I died a few hours ago."

It's said no different than saying 'the sky is blue.' With about that level of casualness to.

"Time Lords have this way of healing ourselves. But I know I was too injured to regenerate. And yet, I'm here."

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley sips at her tea. Thinking for a moment. "I have heard of other people who died in their world, and came here. To the Nexus."

"I know it is different for you. But maybe there is a reason?"

[not_the_question]

"I don't know. That's the problem."

As he sets the cup down he bends his fingers and before he can stop it, the tell-tale glow of regeneration energy shines there for a moment before dissipating.

"Apparently, I have the ability to regenerate still. But even that should be impossible, given how I died."

He realises he should probably tell her more. And he debates where to start.

"I came across a colony ship. 400 miles long, 100 miles wide. It was brand new... But it had everything that would be needed for several thousand years of space travel. Anyway, there were these creatures on it. Called Cybermen. And they were trying to convert the few humans left on the ship to be like them. There was only one thing I could do: move the humans to another floor, call the Cybermen to the floor I was on and blow the floor up when they got there."

Really, a ship. His options were limited.

[sweetcandygirl]

"And is that the last thing you remember? Being blown up?" Harley asks.

[not_the_question]

"Yeah."

He looks at the ceiling, clearly seeing something from his memory that she can't.

"There weren't any stars. I always hoped there'd be stars."

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley reaches across the table. And just sets her hand near his. She wants to comfort him, but respects his boundaries.

"You might not be able to go back. Ever again."

[not_the_question]

He takes the hand before him.

"Or I might have to go back and finish what I started. Whether that means permanent death or only change remains to be seen."

[sweetcandygirl]

She clasps his hand gently. And nodding softly.

"Do you want to go back?"

[not_the_question]

"Going back isn't the question. If I stay here, I will be preserved in this State of Grace that I'm now experiencing. If I go back the question is: do I accept my death, or do I change."

He doesn't really expect her to understand. Mostly, he's just thinking out loud, it just looks better to do that with someone else around.

[sweetcandygirl]

"You have always seemed like the kind of guy who wants Answers, and not any un-answered questions." Harley is not sure if he will hear her thoughts. But if he just needs to ramble, she will listen without interrupting.

[not_the_question]

"I am that. Can't have a mystery unsolved." He ponders a moment.

"But that's just it. If I regenerate, then this version of me dies and another takes my place. But if I die... I might finally get some rest."

And he's just so tired.

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley squeezes his hand again. "Another would never take your place in my heart. My mind."

"And if you want to rest, you should seek that."

[not_the_question]

He squeezes her hand again in return and then releases it.

"See that's just it. It'd still be me, same memories, just a different body, different tastes, different attitudes..."

The same thing he has to explain to any companion. He huffs in a bit of derision.

"The Universe isn't so kind to me."

He looks around them.

"Except maybe here. I just don't know for sure what would happen to me or my universe back home if I stayed."

[sweetcandygirl]

"But see... it is this attitude that makes the difference. It is the cranky old man that saved me." Harley insists.

"Another question. I have stayed. But I don't make as big of a difference."

[not_the_question]

He looks up at her, a bit confused. Because he didn't remember doing that. Sure talked to her, offered guidance, but not really 'saved' in the literal sense. The way it happens so often back home.

"I don't understand. What did I do to save you? Wait."

He stops her before she can answer because her last statement is important.

"You're human. Maybe ordinary, maybe not. But that is the most important kind of person in the universe. You make a big difference in the smallest and most ordinary ways."

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley reaches out to take his hand again. "I do make a big difference... here in the Nexus. Where I have new friends, who I can help. That is why I stayed. My path is here..."

She pauses to collect her thoughts. To answer his first question.

"You didn't stay for the whole Halloween party. People were taken into a Nightmare dimension. I was one of them."

"I faced my fears. I helped my friends. But then... I fought this werewolf-type creature. And when he bit me, his curse tried to infect me. But the part of me that was already infected fought back."

"I was caught... in that mindset. Laughing and laughing and laughing beyond my own control. And then I remembered something you said. And your voice... helped me to focus. To break free of that. To survive."

"You saved me when my past tried to claim me again. Even though you were not there. And that means a lot."

[not_the_question]

He has to protest a little. Because he doesn't like that she might feel abandoned by him.

"I was there, well, trying to get as many people out of there as I could. As always, I couldn't save everyone..."

He doesn't fight her when she takes his hand again. And he is absolutely not going to be moved to tears at her story. No. This Doctor doesn't cry. Except, he is so very close to it. He'd blame it on the emotions with the surges of regeneration energy trying to pulse through his body. He forces a small smile, but it is clearly forced.

"I'm glad I could help, even if it was just in your head."

[sweetcandygirl]

"I am glad you were helping other people." Harley manages a forced smile herself. Halloween had been a tough night for her. One minute she was having fun and enjoying socializing at a party... then the next minute she was covered with blood and fighting for her life.

"A part of me will miss you, whatever happens to you. Even if you change. Especially if you die. But I just want to support you in your decision."

[not_the_question]

He can feel her surge of emotions through their contact. Even though he doesn't normally allow for it, they're so strong he can't not.

"I'm sorry you felt like you were on your own. I would have come to find the others, but you all were just... gone. I had hoped you all had just gotten out another way."

He hung his head. In the aftermath, he hadn't tried to look as hard as he should have. He speaks, but more as if he's repeating something than actually saying something about her situation.

"Around me, people should worry about themselves."

[sweetcandygirl]

Harley shakes her head. Shaking off some of the lingering feelings that she still has. The lingering memories of how she almost lost her identity again.

She returns her focus on him. And the fact that he is not really speaking to her again. "Is there anything I can do?"

[not_the_question]

He looks at her again and offers a small smile.

"Be happy. Look after yourself and others. And be kind. Just that."

Except it's always more than that, isn't it?